Angel's Cloud 9

2002-10-17T02:16:00.000-04:00

Wow, it's been a month already? I wonder if anyone still checks if I update this page or not...hmmm. So what's happened in the past 30 days. Well, not much really...I turned 22 just 3 days ago, and it's true what they say about birthdays being just another normal day in life. Nothing special, heck, if anything, it's a day you start to dread.

Okay, lets have some real decent blogging here since I don't think I've actually had a full hour straight of hardcore studying this term as of yet. My attention span has seriously decreased dramatically. Concentration just ain't my thing anymore, if it ever was to begin with. Friday's midterm's really scaring the crap outta me. I've never felt so lost and unprepared for a course before. Well, at least not for one that matters a lot. How can I possibly get a job in molecular biology when I don't know the first thing about it? Maybe that's why I'm having such a difficult time getting a job. But I think the one thing that scares me most is just my lack of motivation. I just don't WANT to study. Before when I'm cramming, at least I feel the need to cram, but now, I'm expecting a < 50% just cause I don't wanna dish it out. Strange...

Anyways, despite all the complaints, I can truly say I've been happy lately. And it feels kinda great...=)

2002-09-17T01:37:00.000-04:00

So picture this: I'm here, sitting in my new room, typing away in little message windows along with this bloggie window, with my lab manual opened in front of me, a highlighter ready to be used. This is certainly a familiar picture...where have I seen it before? Uhh...I think it was at 139 Columbia 4 months ago...

Where did the summer go? In a sense this has been the best and the worst summer of my entire life. Best would be because I got a lot of things done, as simplistic as they may be. Worst...well, lets not go there. Enough drama occurred in these 4 months to last me a lifetime. Heck, just 1 week coulda done the trick. But you learn from it and hope the future will be brighter. One thing that sorta stuck out was how a single person can have such control over other people's lives. Even to complete strangers, you play a role of trying to stay OUT of their lives by not crashing your car into theirs. =P Then of course there are those people that are close to you, every move you make has some sort of effect on them. So living isn't all about being happy for yourself, but you wanna make life easy for everyone around you too. Sounds simple eh? It definitely can be...

2002-08-21T18:49:00.000-04:00

When does one finally say enough is enough? For even the most patient and giving person, there's gotta be some kinda line somewhere, even if it means to almost the very extreme. So where, when, and how do you draw the line if the end result ends up causing more grief and pain? But how much does one have to endure just so another won't have to hurt anymore? It's weird how you can try to compare your life with so many other people who have been placed in the same situation, and for some damn reason, yours is just so much more friggin' messed up than everyone else's. There's absolutely no winning, when everyone else in the same situation seems to walk out with just a scratch. It's just gonna be an endless circle of hell unless some miracle occurs and everything's fine and dandy again. Until then, someone hand me a wall...I've got some creative ideas to take it down.

2002-08-07T20:06:00.000-04:00

I have been so extremely tired and weak lately I'm starting to worry. I think something's wrong...but what? And please don't ask me to go see the doc cause I really can't spare the time, especially now since I don't seem to have much of it to myself. I will soon...no worries.

Anyways, 14 more work days...wow. I seriously can't believe it. Finally decided that a few days off before the whole rush of moving in and school and stuff would do me some good. Gives me time to catch up with myself and just chill the way I want to. It's gonna be tres magnifique! I was just thinking though, a year ago I woulda spent that time so much differently than I'm planning to spend it. Tres weird...

That's all I got for now...really gotta go lie down. Bye bye bloggie..

2002-07-26T14:29:00.000-04:00

Hey Phil...this shout-out's for you as promised =) Your convo pictures brought a tear to my eye. Congrats for being such an oldie...hehe =P

It's scary though, cause in less than a year, a bunch of us are gonna be at that stage in life (not me thank goodness). You know, the I've-graduated-now-so-now-what stage. I can't imagine the rest of my life being like these past couple months. The commute to and from work, the tiredness, the reluctance to do anything worthwhile. I mean, just something as simple as Wonderland, I'm gonna reach the age where I'm gonna be afraid to go on rides not cause it's excitingly scary, but I'd be fearing heart attacks. Now why did we wanna be old 10 years ago?

2002-07-10T12:57:00.000-04:00

Ever hear a song over and over again through your average day, and when you hear the song in a totally different environment it sorta knocks you off guard? It's like you forget about the life you left behind when you're at this new place. The song becomes a sudden reminder that you have that other life you totally forgot about, cause for once, you were able to let go of it and forget all the problems you have far far away. I remember I was walking down a road, and I heard my favorite song, and I almost didn't recognize it cause it seemed so out of place. Like I shouldn't be hearing the song where I was, and it sorta made me confused. Okay, I think I'm starting to sound like a total nut, but seriously, it was one of those strange feelings that can't really be explained...

2002-07-07T17:05:00.000-04:00

I find a lot of people have been suffering from serious cases of bad luck this past year. It can't be so coincidental that so many of those close to me have had to deal with such stressful issues in life in a short amount of time. I started to wonder if it's just a bad year for everyone, or if it's the fact that we've reached a certain age where bad things are bound to happen, like health issues and relationship problems and so forth. So is this just a preparation of what's to come? We're not that old, and so many of us have had to live through hardships resulting from family tragedies and incidents, or break ups and heartaches. If this is just the beginning of it all, how bad are things gonna be in another 20 years?

2002-06-23T02:17:00.000-04:00

There are various types of people in this world, some which can be classified as friends, others can be purely classified as backstabbing SOBs. So how do you know who belongs in which category? I guess you can never really know for sure, cause a person's judgement can be flawed one time or another. Solution? Don't trust anyone. Cause who knows if you're talking to someone and they're just saying things to make you feel better even though they don't truly mean it, or if they're telling you things that are totally made up just for the heck of it. I mean, why not make things interesting? See how things work out? It'd be an entertaining show to see lives get screwed over, right? Later on you can laugh about it and say to everyone "hahaha...I did that, ain't it cool?" But don't those people ever dare to talk to me or anyone about morals and ethics, cause they certainly don't practice what they preach.

2002-06-20T12:38:00.000-04:00

blah blah blah... blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah, blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah. blah blah BLAH!! blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah...blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah, blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah! blah blah, blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah...blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah. blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah....

2002-06-18T19:24:00.000-04:00

I should really be heading off to bed cause I've come down with another one of those cases of infinite-hours-ain't-enuf syndrome. Anyway, I've been dying to blog (like I mean, REALLY blog, not like that one below...) but I've also come down with a case of writer's block too. There's stuff I wanna say but there's just no words to say it in. So here I am, blabbing away like there's no tomorrow, even though there is, and I ain't looking forward to the drive there...=/ Traffic has been so insane! And on top of a whole city of stupid drivers, there's me in my boat with my bad lane-choosing ability. Sigh...I'm so tempted to do 9:30-6 every morning now. It's like, why not?? What da heck is stopping me? (Uhh...your stupidity? Your unknown reason for wanting to get up early to get stuck in traffic there and back?) So today I was working with this 1 gram of material, and I was working like a zombie as usual, accidentally spilling some here and there (hey, it happens! It's hard to aim sometimes!). Little did I know I probably spilled 10 bucks on the table...hahaha. 1 gram = 400 bucks!! Gotta love this job...

2002-06-12T18:49:00.000-04:00

Let's blog...

....

sigh...

I think my brain really did shut off. It put a sign up that says "use me again and die."

2002-06-01T16:09:00.000-04:00

You know when a person goes through some kinda major crisis or major change in their life all of a sudden they're changing everything else about them? Well, I think I seriously did that...purely by "accident". I really didn't mean to walk out of the hair salon 3 hours later looking like this. I asked for a trim and some colour, and what did they do to me??? (they turned you into a fob, that's what...) Sigh...I should get a job at Pac Mall. To all of you out there who always liked to laugh about my fobbishness even though none existed, well, now you can truly have your laugh. But to those who calls me fob girl without even seeing me first, well, sucks to your assmar...=P

Anyways, besides my major identity crisis once again, life has finally reached a calm. Although, the other day I was driving home, and it suddenly dawned on me that for the first time in my life (well, at least the period in my life where I cared and thought about my future) I don't know what my future holds. Everything was set to go pretty much, or at least it seemed that way. Now, it's scary to think the plans that have been made for years and years are no longer existent. But then, you can't live life the "safe" way right?

2002-05-23T20:00:00.000-04:00

Express or Collectors? Express or Collectors?? Hummz. Lets take Express...*turns onto it*...*looks over at the other side*...DOH! Few klicks later, Express or Collectors? Alrite, lets go to Collectors...*turns onto it*...double DOH! Instead of typing the 3-4 more of such occurrences, you can kinda guess what the outcomes were. Seems as though the grass was always greener on the other side, or in this case, the road was less jammed on the other side. And apparently, I can never seem to make the right decision about which road to take. So what does that say about my judgement? Umm...it sucks!?!? Haha...I really gotta learn how to drive the highway. Cause I mean, if I actually made the right decision one of those times, I could have reached my goal who knows how much faster. I guess we'll never really know now, will we? Imagine if I chose the right side TWICE, would I have gotten home twice as fast?? But then again, it doesn't really matter how fast I get to my destination, or how many bad decisions I make along the way, the final outcome, my final destination, will always be where it is, and what it is. So isn't that kinda like what life is like? The future is there, you just have to reach it. You may stumble all over the highway to get there, but you'll somehow end up there. Unless you decide to exit the highway completely and get lost. Now that's a totally different story...or is it?

Oh, might I add, the signs that assist with your decision on Express or Collectors? Talk about sending the wrong signals...sheesh. Just trust yourself, and don't let those fool you. Although, it seems as though you only end up fooling yourself. How weird...

2002-05-18T23:32:00.000-04:00

Life has a funny way of healing problems. It's like when our moms tell us to take our cough medicine when we're little. The moment that you put the stuff in your mouth, it just sucks cause it tastes so bad, but after a few days, when you feel better, you realize that short time period when the syrup stung your tongue was worth it all along. Time heals all wounds, and I guess that goes for anything in life.

It's also way cool to know your friends really care about you. Even those who you don't talk to for the longest time, they're there for you if ever one day you decide to go seek for help. That's what true friends are. I mean, it might take an awful event to realize this, but at least the idea is reassuring, and it makes all problems a little less troubling. Thanks to those who decide to be great people by being great friends. And thanks to those who've shown such love and care for me. I will never doubt for a second that I'm special for being me.

2002-05-12T12:15:00.000-04:00

I've been having trouble keeping this blog entertaining cause, well, maybe cause I have nothing interesting going on in my life right now, or maybe the fact that I just don't have it in me to blog something worth reading, cause I mean, there's only a finite amount of things I can write about right? Right...

Ever wish you can see the future? I'm sure that will make life a bit boring when you know what's waiting for you around the corner. But what about those tough decisions in life that you just can't make, and you just want a small glimpse of the future just to make it a bit easier? WOULD it make it easier? I always thought that everyone's lives are all planned out, and it's just a matter of living the path. Sorta like we may think we're deciding something, but fate has already decided for us, and we just kinda make the decision that was meant to be made. I dunno if that makes any sense...sometimes when you write out something you're thinking and you read it and it's like "?????????" ANYWAYZ...I know it sucks to think that we don't have control of our destiny. I mean, we do, but do we really?

2002-05-07T22:32:00.000-04:00

I am blogging for the sake of blogging. Hmm...what should I blog about? (I'm getting this vibe that this is gonna be the most pointless posting found on piyo.blogspot.com) So, here we go...

I hate Tuesdays with a passion. Mondays are bad, cause well, we all expect it to be bad, but at least we just came back from a nice weekend and can still feel sorta relaxed from the whole 2 days. But Tuesdays...what's so special about them? They're the furthest away from the next weekend, and the relaxation from the previous no longer lingers, and you just don't wanna do anything but sleep all day. Wednesdays are good, cause once it's over, the weekend's around the corner. Thursdays are pretty much Fridays, and Fridays, well, TGIF, right? But TUESDAYS...damn its existence...

So this Tuesday is over, but according to my earlier state, Tuesday's not over till Wednesday is cause I'm just dorky today. So when does Wednesday start you say? The question of whether I'm sane or not will probably be a more interesting question to ask...

(I really should click "delete", ah wellz...)

2002-04-29T20:46:00.000-04:00

So how did this gal spend the 1st day with nothing to do back in TO? Umm...ok maybe I kinda wasted it by sleeping in till...*ahem*...whenever, but it felt sooooo great. =) I don't remember the last time when I had to get up for nothing and I can just sleep without a care in the world. No stupid sales calls in the morning, just a few pleasant ones to wake me up for a bit and let me go back to sleep happily. It was nice. Too bad it's my 2nd last day before work begins. Sigh...oh wellz...at least I HAVE the 2 extra days...=) My blog suffered from extreme surgery today too as you may have noticed, leaving it with an unwanting girlie look, but I really don't have the patience to change it again.

Anyways, I'm off to dinner, even though I'm slightly regretting my snackfest an hour ago. But hey, when a girl's hungry a girl's gotta eat! Hope everyone's first day at work wasn't all too hellish. And to those who don't start till next week, you bums! Best of luck to those who haven't found anything yet...there's gotta be something out there! Just search harder! And for the few, if not just the one who's still stuck at work till school starts, hang in there...=)

2002-04-27T20:10:00.000-04:00

Ever watched The Whole 9 Yards? I was just thinking about the part in the beginning where Matthew Perry just left his house after his morning encounter with his wife and mother-in-law. You know, the part where he just looked so normal driving away in his car and all of a sudden he throws a tandrum every now and then. Hahaha...that's just hilarious. Poor guy...frustrated as ever with a problem that no one can solve but himself. Doesn't matter who he talked to, there's not much anyone can do but to listen and support. Hehe...I'd be banging my head on the steering wheel if I were that frustrated too. Ok, well I'd probably scream instead, whatever. But I mean, what IF there was a situation that you're just stuck in, and there's no one in the world but you that can resolve it? That must suck. With friends, yeah the comfort helps tons, but there's just so much a 3rd party can do. They can advice, but they can't solve. Must be lonely even though you're not really alone. Guess it's best to avoid such problems, cause once you're in, you gotta get your sorry ass out. How? Haha...now that's fun part...

2002-04-25T20:05:00.000-04:00

OOOOOkay...lets try this again...for the umpteen-billionth time???....So my room is somewhat clean finally, as long as we don't mention the 4 bags of clothes that were unloaded in my mom's room. That will probably be a task for the term. =P I haven't blogged for a while not cause I haven't had the time, but it's cause I get stuck at word #1, and that's that. Ever have tons to say but you just don't know how to say it? Well that's me since I dunno...exams ended?

It's amazing what new stuff we learn each day, about things in life, things surrounding you, people surrounding you. And when you learn these new things, you suddenly look at them with a new awe. Well, I mean, it depends on what it is. Say you have a new toy car, and you just love it. And then you find out it flies too! It's like WOAH! Hahaha...I feel like a kid, but whatever. =P But I guess sometimes you think that learning a new thing about something, or someone learning something new about you ain't all that great, cause maybe it's not something you're too proud of, or just simply don't like to share with the rest of the world. I guess it depends on who you share it with, but with the right person, you realize it was kinda silly to think they would judge you because of it.

NEwayz, I tried REAL hard to write this blog, so enjoy. Who knows when the next time I'll be able to click the post&publish button without trying until my brain hurts...=P

2002-04-21T23:30:00.000-04:00

Waterloo? What's that? It's only been a day and some hours, but I don't remember the last week of living in DC or my last 4 months sitting through classes trying to "learn". What's an exam? What's a library? What's 1+1? Who cares..

So what's up for a good week + 1/2 of no work and no school...umm...nothing? Just chillin', enjoying the freedom of not a worry in the world, and just be. Sounds totally wicked to me. I still haven't felt the satisfaction of finishing the school term without too much harm done, but whatever. I'm done and that's all that matters..

Here's a funny situation: you're joking around with your significant other about all the stuff you did in the past, and you mention something that was totally funny and your other 1/2 says "uh...I don't think that was me you were with....." *sirens go off like MAD* oops...=P SUBJECT CHANGE....

2002-04-18T17:23:00.000-04:00

I think this is the first time ever that I CAN'T say what I'm gonna say without stepping on some toes. TOTALLY weird! I' ve never been homefree before most people before. Anyways, so I guess I can safely say it here (cause all you people still with exams shouldn't be reading this in the first place)...I'M DONE. Bye bye studying for 4 months! I can't say I'm too overly excited cause the past few weeks of studying hasn't been as hellish as normal. I actually "enjoyed" it, if I can use that word to describe it. It wasn't an enjoyment persay, it was just a lot different from all my other terms where I'm just so totally stressed and depressed from sitting on my ass all day in my room. I guess I actually didn't mind spending my every waking hour in DC these past 6 days. It's so much better than being in hiding from the world, even if it means going to DC = going out. (man, that's depressing...) But I mean, compared to actually doing stuff other than sleeping on my books in a library, I woulda called it hell, but hey, I'm trying to be optimistic!

So what to do now? Hmm...tough call. I could catch up on the sleep that I was supposed to get during my exams, but then that went down the drain when I was forced to become a morning person overnight. Or I could hit Goodlife for like 6 hours to work off all that goo I built up around my gut from sitting around and snacking like there's no tomorrow. I think I like option 1 better...hehe. =P Anyways, either way I think it's gonna be totally weird to have nothing to do and no where to go for a couple of days. (Isn't anyone done???) But I shouldn't complain...I don't want my ass kicked. =P

2002-04-15T16:50:00.000-04:00

I keep thinking of a lot of stuff to blog while I'm "studying" but it seems as though I can't remember any of it once I sit down and come face to face with this page. I hope this isn't foreshadowing what's to come on Wednesday...=/

I was always amazed at a couple of friends of mine who don't live with their parents or their parents are never around the house 24/7. What makes them behave? Hahaha...I know it sounds totally weird, but if I were them, I'd go nuts. Who knows if I woulda ended up in U. Self-control, that's what they have. Me? *ahem*...I always wondered what I'd be like without my parents around, or without someone looking over me. Probably the first chance I get I'll jump at it and go all insane. Do things I wouldn't be able to do, and just be a total bad-ass. Well, not THAT extreme, but you know what I mean.

Anyways, there wasn't really a point to this blog, I just had this random thought in my head...well, not totally random (why do I keep correcting myself??) It's also cause I'm procrastinating and finding these comps at DC that ICQ works on ain't a good thing...=P

2002-04-08T19:18:00.000-04:00

Okay, so for the longest time, well, not the longest, but ever since I planned out my whole curriculum for the next couple of years, I've been looking forward to 4A cause it's pure biology. No assignments, no crazy labs, just pure midterms and finals. The term's gonna be crazy easy! I can actually read every night like we're supposed to. So as I sit here, still recovering from my long-ass-10 question-200 marks-all written bio exam, I realize maybe 4A ain't gonna be all it's cut out to be. Imagine the state I'd be in every post-exam night. And the way Loo just loves to screw people over by giving back-to-back bio exams, I think I can wait for 4A to never come...

Anyways, I think I'm just suffering from post-exam blues. My 1st never goes as well as planned, and it just screws up my determination for the rest of them. I should just take it ease these 10 days and just cruise through the other 3. Come on Angel, don't be a loser and give up again like all the other times...you know it's possible this term, not like the other ones... I wonder how some people manage to be so dedicated to their studying, spending their time at the library the whole time, concentrating on whatever they're trying to learn. Now if I had that kinda determination, I wonder how far I can go...Don't be so cocky Angel...you wouldn't be going anywhere...

I think I'm gonna go now before I start talking to myself...you ARE talking to yourself you idiot..

=/

2002-04-04T14:01:00.000-05:00

So in exactly 14 days at this very hour, I will be writing my final exam of Winter 2002. Time sure did fly by kinda fast. It's kinda sad though, cause I really had a blast this term, and as sad as it may sound, I don't really wanna leave...=P

I was in DC the other day, and I saw this girl from my school that was in grade 10 when I graduated. And there she was, studying away for her finals. The first word that came to my mind was "OLD". I'm getting old. All the nifties I dealt with at ACCI are either in U or about to go to U. That's creepy. I mean, it wasn't long ago I was helping these guys get started in high school, and now they're in a place where I not long ago journeyed into myself. Then there's my friend's brother...16 years old, and he's going to U in September. Everytime she mentions her brother I still picture this 4 year old kid in kindergarten. But that's another thing...what kinda insane parents would make their kid go to U at 16?? Talk about never living a normal teenage life.

Anyways, I'm actually stalling here. My school term is officially over, and it's just a matter of approaching the beginning of the end. I have high hopes for these couple of weeks, even though I kinda lost it for a while. I think I have the chance to prove to myself that I haven't lost touch with my brain. It's just been sitting on laze mode for a good year, that's all. So it's time to turn it back on and keep my fingers crossed, cause it's pretty much now or never...

2002-03-26T21:35:00.000-05:00

I've been meaning to blog about this for a few weeks now, but for some reason I keep forgetting. Sign of old age? Nah...I'm not turning 22 yet...=P

Anyway, so I've been going to Goodlife at prime-soap hours, and I seriously hate it. I mean, I don't exactly have a better time to go just to avoid watching soaps. So there I am, trying to be more openminded about the whole soup opera ordeal, but I seriously cannot...CANNOT...accept it. They're just so....FAKE! Argh...I mean, it's worse than wrestling! The more I watch them, the more I realize why women are stereotyped as overdramatic over baby situations. It's probably because some women are, and it's all cause they watch too much soap! Those things are mind-washers, making you think that when you're put into a certain situation, that is how you act. Argh...I dunno why it bugs me so much. But it does. It's making men think that all women are overdramatic that way, but we're really not. At least not all of us are!

2002-03-25T16:14:00.000-05:00

Can someone tell me why I should be expecting 25cm of snow tomorrow? Is something trying to tell me to screw my last 2 weeks of classes and just stay home? Sigh...I wish it was. Then I'd be a happy well-rested Angel..

Ever get those days where you just wanna do nothing and talk to no one and just be with yourself? I miss those days so much. I mean, I have them kinda, but I'm too swamped with work that I don't have the time to enjoy it. But even when I'm working, my icq's open and I'm chatting away with whoever. Ok, so maybe that part's my own fault. But anyway, I just wanna take a couple of days off from the rest of the world and just do my thing. Whatever I want, whenever I want, and not worry about anybody but me. Does that sound too selfish? I dunno...in a way it kinda is cause partly I brought it on myself to be so swamped. You can't have the best of both worlds right? But I guess in a way for me, best of 3...but in a sense it's become 2, a big 1 and another. Argh...I dunno...I'm one real confused gal...

Here's a weird thought that keeps going through my head: if an ant crawls onto you and you get on a bus and go, it's like us being taken off Earth and being sent to another galaxy. It'd be lost forever.......

Poor ant...=(

(someone call 911...this girl's gone koo-koo)..........

2002-03-22T20:53:00.000-05:00

Another Friday..can you believe it? In 2 weeks, it'll be cramming for finals once again. Too fast I tell ya...too fast! Where has the whole term gone? I mean, sure, this term I haven't had THAT much to do, but it's just so amazing how the 3 months flew right by and it's time to get ready to get outta here again. In a way, I'm not too thrilled about it. I mean, the whole moving back home and having to deal with the nagging and b*tching...I kinda like the peace and quiet I have here.

So what's this gal doing home, in Loo, on a Friday night. Well, in truth I'm waiting for Dark Angel to come on, but on the side (or the main dish rather..) I got a big ass lab report, lab exam, and 3 assignments to do between now and the day of cramming I mentionned earlier. And when I said I didn't have much to do this term, I really mean it even though I probably just listed the amount of work a York Arts student has during their whole university career...(JOKES!!!) Damn, that was mean of me, I should take that back. =P But anyway, it's true though, I only have 4 exams + 1 lab exam this term! Compare to my 9 exams in 1A, this is nothing! There's no reason for me to stress, especially with a whole 8 day break between 2 exams and the other 2. Everything should go fine and dandy. (Like your midterms Angel? You know, the ones you bombed even though you said "hey, it'll be aights..."??)

Anyways, this blog ain't going no where. Gonna go wait for JMA to kick some ass in front of the tele. =)

2002-03-19T19:31:00.000-05:00

Time passes by at speeds depending on its mood sometimes. Like a 20 minute walk from one place to another gives you this feeling that you left behind something days ago, and you kinda forget where you were and what you were doing. A mere 20 minutes can make you forget what you've left behind, especially if it's something you don't want to remember, like bombing the 2nd last midterm of the term. But when you get home, you sit down (or lie down or whatever...) and you look at your clock and realize 20 minutes ago ____ happened. And it just stuns you...like, w-o-a-h. Problems don't just disappear just cause you don't care to think of it at the time. I mean, your books won't disappear one day leaving behind a note saying "no need to study me anymore" and leave you with no more work to do just cause you took a 20 minute break. But at moments where you just don't wanna deal, you really wish that 20 minutes would last even longer, so you'll never have to think about what's waiting for you.

You know, I was trying to get somewhere with this blog, but I think I've even gone backwards. Haha..ah well...=)

2002-03-17T02:21:00.000-05:00

Okay, so it's 2:11am as I'm writing this, with a whole midterm to study for cause it just didn't happen today. It seems as though it ain't gonna happen even if I stay up another couple of hours. Ah wellz.=)

I was thinking about this whole term, about all that's happened and how it seriously flew by SOOO fast, I have to say this has been the best term I've had here in Loo. So the school work itself ain't going so great, but I really can't complain about it. Things have been so wild that there's just not enough time to do better! hehe...it's become second if not third on my to-do list. I realized that even though marks do matter when we go out into the real world, especially in science I guess just in case the labs don't want some klutz with no brain working for them, they don't matter so much to the point where I need an 80 instead of a 75 to get a job, ya know? Why work so hard when life's just too short to pay attention to the smallest details? I mean, this term's been real fun, and I feel like I've done so much other than school. Loo has become less of a study-only town, and it just feels good to be more relaxed about this whole too-much-to-do situation.

I dunno...maybe it's my meds talking. Watch me go psycho in less than 24 hours trying to cram for my midterm...=P

2002-03-16T02:44:00.000-05:00

You would think a person who's spent almost 24 hours now trying to BS up a lab report, she'd be out of things to say. But yet you find this girl at almost 3am bloggin away. How weird. I was just thinking about these damn lab reports, and all those stupid 2000 word essays we had to write back in high school. I mean, it was true torture for us to write so many words about who knows what, but if you REALLY think about it, the way the teacher forces such an essay on you, aren't they torturing themselves? I mean, they have to READ all of it! Like a whole 2000 x 30 words! Well, it's true though some of the ACCI teachers didn't exactly read what we handed in, but who knew which one did and which one didn't (umm...I know Prociw didn't, but Skolnik definitely did...damn bastard...) Anyways, so those were the thoughts going through my head, cause as I wrote my 3000+ word lab report well equipped with 15 tables and figures, I started to feel so bad for the TAs who have to read all of it. Can you imagine the boredom of reading the same crap over and over again? I mean, I don't even wanna go back to edit it cause it's just that boring! Damn...sucks to be them...

2002-03-10T01:14:00.000-05:00

Wow...it's a Saturday. Just got back to Loonytown to get some work done. Sigh...talk about in total glumchum mood. Don't know what in the world could have sucked the major grin on my face at 7pm by 10pm...(note: sarcasm)

So anyway, on Friday as I TTCed my way back into my glorious hometown (well, glorious compared to here at least), as I avoided eye contact with anyone near me, I started to think what those people thought of me...what they saw of me. I guess I was mainly concerned with what age they think I am, cause when I looked at myself in the reflection on the oil-stained windows, I see some girl, possibly just touching 20, but no way in hell in her "early 20s". Then for some reason I started thinking about my wardrobe. There were so many items in it that I would wear for years, and then I realized that I'd probably be married in a few years. I mean, what makes a married woman look like a married woman? Or at least, old enough to be one? Certainly not a lot of the outfits you would find in my closet. Then I remembered going back to ACCI a couple years ago and they were telling me I looked older or more mature. Maybe it was from the bags around my eyes, but I seriously don't know the diff. I mean, it's probably because I look at myself in the mirror everyday. How would I know if I really look older or not? In a few years, when I really do have a wedding band on my finger, people would probably laugh at me if I told them I was married. They'd probably think I'm just some silly girl with a ring on the wrong finger.

Another weird set of thoughts going through my head...what other hidden surprises will I find in this mess of a mind next?

2002-03-06T14:02:00.000-05:00

I don't know if I should be "publishing" this event since it hasn't been disclosed to the rest of UW yet, but I'm sure the word's gonna fly real soon one way or another. A girl committed suicide in one of the Biology buildings yesterday. The idea of her taking her own life is disturbing enough. I don't even wanna share with the rest of you how she did it. It's not exactly the news you expect walking into your 8:30 morning class still 1/2 asleep. I guess you could call it a good wake up call. Good as in it really kicked me into gear. Sad to say, she was in my program, and apparently in a lot of my classes. For a long moment though as I looked around the class, not knowing who it was that left us, I was scared sh*t that it was one of my friends. But it turned out it wasn't anyone I knew, or no one that I remember knowing. Maybe it's better off this way, me not knowing who the girl was. From what I heard she didn't exactly look suicidal. She always looked "happy". So how can you tell a normal person from one that's about to take her own life? I mean, I'm sure many of us have had the idea cross our minds now and then, but carrying it out is a totally different thing. And for her to do something like that in a public place, what kind of craziness could have possibly been going through her head?

2002-02-27T23:21:00.000-05:00

The past few days as I worked hours on my CS assignment (yes, CS...damn that stupid course description for STAT 304) that didn't deserve that much attention, I've come to face my new found respect for you CSer's out there. I really don't understand how you guys can make it through days on end without ripping your hair out. I keep thinking how lucky I am to never have to face such frustration of getting something to work that should work, but just won't friggin' work. Until today that is. I thought my last lab period before reading week was bad, throwing 2 hours down the drain. So today I attempt again, only this time, I throw 4 hours down the drain. Well, I guess it's better than that time I threw 12 hours away. So how many is that in total? Too many. Time is precious, especially when you have tons on your plate to do, and even more especially when you don't have a damn thing to do and you just wanna go home and lounge around and pig out. Damn those TAs...they owe me 18 hours of my life. I mean, I could simply blame myself for wasting my own time, but why would I ever wanna do that? =P

2002-02-24T17:23:00.000-05:00

Firstly, congrats to Canada...we kick ass!! =)

So I'm back in town. Not much to do, but tons to do. I said to myself that this is it, no more distractions, no more all-niters, I'm gonna start kicking some ass myself in this 2nd 1/2 of the term. Will I make it? Will I keep this promise? (Nah...) I mean, of course! =P I kinda have to. I owe it to myself to do something right. The year didn't exactly start off great, but it's gotten better, and it will get even better. =)

Just a recap of my too-short-of-a-break break...
I didn't catch up on sleep
I've become a lot more broke than expected
I had an amazing time in Niagara with Beebs =) even though I lost 50 bucks (which ain't bad I know!)
I concurred two 5.10 walls at Mr. Rockhead's, purple bruise or no purple bruise!
I got a whole 10 pages of stats read (hence reading week rite? hehe...)
I landed the damn job in Sauga...frig...
My daddy's gone back to HK...boo...=(

So it wasn't too bad of a break. I wouldn't have minded an extra 2-3 weeks of it though...hahaha. =P But that's it...it's back to the books for me.

2002-02-19T19:23:00.000-05:00

Reasons why I didn't pick UT? Well, one cause EVERYONE goes there, smart or dumb, and two, it's in a friggin' town with too many distractions. So maybe Waterloo was a good choice or else I woulda had my ass kicked outta university by now. But anyway, I'm just ranting cause I really need to catch up on some stats but I'm avoiding touching my backpack even if it means dragging myself outta my house into some other house that my bag doesn't reside in.

So it's Day 2 of the long awaited reading week. Well, kinda like day 4 or 5, but who's counting. It's ranking day and once again coop has put me into a headlock. I decided to screw with the system and risk getting crap from them, but for some reason, I'm just feeling rebellious and don't give a damn. So we'll see in a week how my little scheme worked out. Or maybe in a month when I'm in continuous still looking for a job and regret being such a rebel at the wrong time. Only time will tell. But I admit it, right now as I'm typing this I'm starting to regret. Did I just risk putting myself back in school for another 4 months, followed by another 4 months?!!? Hmmm....=/

2002-02-14T17:34:00.000-05:00

It's finally here...the long awaited reading week. Well, it's ALMOST the long awaited reading week. Close enough. So I finally dragged my ass across the street to Goodlife for the first time of Feb 2002. It's all midterms fault! Not mine! You know how they say working out is a good way to get your mind off everything and you can just totally concentrate on buffing up? I just have to say...NOT. I dunno...my world seems to have gone upside down. Everything that should be right feels weird, and all that should be wrong feels so great. What am I supposed to do with that? Maybe it's just a passing thing and it'll go away, but at the moment, it feels like sh*t. It's like I shouldn't be feeling this way, but I do. I kinda forgot how much it hurts. I don't remember swearing to myself from frustration so many times in a day. Grrr...

2002-02-08T13:37:00.000-05:00

Sigh...here I am..Friday afternoon...waiting to leave but I can't cause SOMEONE won't get his ass outta bed. But what was I thinking when I thought he'd actually get up when he said. Another one those "don't worry!" that I always fall for. Dammit...I AM getting soft...=/

So the week's over. My long dreaded week cause of 2 stinky exams I so wished didn't exist. I had higher expectations from myself, but considering my attention span to my books these few weeks I guess I should be happy. It's over and done with, just one more week of too much work and I'll be outta here for a good break. See the thing is I can't exactly say I've been swamped, cause I really wasn't...at least not compared to a lot of other people in my class. I don't really have a reasonable excuse for not doing better than the rest of them when I had all the time in the world. That's a total disappointment right there...

I realized that I've been having quite a few bad days since I got here, contrary to someone's belief. =) I mean, being hit/pushed by a car once, almost got runned over once, splashed till I was dripping salt/dirt water head to toe once, and all the stuff that's gone wrong in the labs, I seriously wonder if my life has seriously changed in every angle. I mean, I thought I myself has changed, but I've never run into so many cases of "bad days" before. It's like I'm living a life I don't recognize anymore. Everything's just been different. What's goin' on??

I walked over to the solvent fumehood the other day, and there was a bottle of 95% ethanol sitting there...how tempting...hehe. I'm just kiddin'...=P

2002-02-03T02:09:00.000-05:00

Just got back from my first trip to DC of 2002. I must say...I accomplished zip. Well, not completely nothing, but for the hours I spent there I might as well have gone back to TO and back to DC and I wouldn't have missed a moment of worthwhile studying. Have you ever stared at a book, not realizing that your eyes have completely lost focus of whatever you're reading, and you're off in lala-land until all of a sudden you come back to reality and 1/2 an hour has past? Damn...it's like I was under a spell or something. Well, I kinda am...=) But still! I hate this trying to concentrate but can't crap. No matter what may be going on in my life, even if nothing's going on, my imagination runs wild at the worst times. My piano teacher was right...I wouldn't concentrate on something unless it has no relevance to what I'm doing at the moment. How great is that on my education? Sigh...(no more quarters...or 10 bucks...hehe)

2002-01-31T12:32:00.000-05:00

It's amazing how I can have the biggest window in my room, yet it didn't occur to me until I opened my front door this morning that there's 2 inches of fresh snow on the ground. I literally stood there in disbelief, even though I was just looking at the weather yesterday. Duh me. How quickly I forget things these days...

So, I don't know why it still hasn't registered in my head yet, but I'm still feeling no rush from the whole coop business. Although it did occur to me the other day how stupid I was to apply for jobs that I wanted but knew there was no way in hell I would get an interview for them. Except for that one that I did get one for, and as I read the job description again, I was thinking "what was I thinking?" For a second I thought I finally got a biology related interview, but what kind of an optimist was I trying to be. Another chem job, another org lab, another 4 months doing synthesis? Umm...how bout no. I can't believe I only applied to 9 jobs, which brings me down to 4 more left that hasn't said no yet. I think I'm really looking forward to that sushi, Age...hehe. That's one thing I'm gonna be an eternal optimist about. =P And it's the matter of winning, not the matter of eating...that's just a bonus! =D

So it's finally midterms. Man...it still feels like school just began. There's been so much going on I hardly noticed how the month just flew right by. I guess it's a good thing, cause I'm looking forward to leaving all this school stuff behind for a good week. So glad I'm not in math or eng...hehe...suckers...=P

2002-01-28T14:25:00.000-05:00

It's such a nice day. It was actually a nice relaxing walk to the post office ever so far away. The sun's out, the air is cool, and there are people out jogging in T-shirt and shorts. In January. JANUARY for crying out loud!! Aren't you people worried? It's like yeah sure, take advantage of the great weather, but aren't you worried about this planet of ours?? What's gonna become of it in 10 years? I would actually reconsider bringing kids into the world if I know that there's something seriously wrong. All that global warming talk 10 years ago...it's happening people...we should be worried!

Funny how I'm freaking out over such a silly but serious thing. Funny how my last blog I was talking about me thinking about now and only now and 1 blog later I'm talking about having my kids in 10 years. Funny how a mind can process so many different things during a walk to school. Funny how I have 2 lab reports to write in 36 hours and I find myself writing a blog instead. Funny how the words "funny how" looks funny after writing it so many times. Funny how you can have such serious issues with someone, and yet they still treat you with the same kindness and sweetness as if it never happened. Well, that's not funny...it's more of a great. Thanks for staying sweet. =)

2002-01-26T16:18:00.000-05:00

It's been a lifetime struggle for me trying to make everyone happy. I guess it all started out at home, trying to make sure everyone was happy even when it was downright obvious that there's absolutely nothing I can do to make everyone get along. Yet I still find myself trying, and maybe that's why I come home so often...like I'm the missing link between them. All this trying has really exhausted me though, cause I find myself giving up and starting to avoid coming home. But I think this is where I made it a goal, where I told myself that it is my job to keep everyone around me happy, even if in return it hurts me. It's never my intention to hurt anyone, but when you spend your whole life trying to make others smile, you just get so frustrated you end up lashing out at the innocents. And then there are those times when I think I'm making things better for someone but in actual fact I'm tearing them apart. I'm sorry to those that I've hurt (there goes another quarter...) Maybe I did things recently that weren't meant to make others happy, but make myself happy. But of course I didn't think of the consequences. What was it that they said in Boston Public? "...teenagers don't think ahead...their time is now..." Well, I'm no teen anymore, but sometimes it seems as though I'm acting like one.

2002-01-22T20:51:00.000-05:00

Ever get the feeling that you don't care as much about life anymore? Or just the people around you, and the things that are happening around you. It's pretty normal to change the way you feel about certain things, but when the change is so dramatic, you start to wonder if it's because you stopped caring. I know I haven't stopped caring, so why haven't I felt the sadness I should've been feeling these couple of weeks? I guess everyone changes their perspective of things as they grow older. I mean, going to McKadee's for dinner now isn't gonna be as amazing as it would've been 10 years ago. But how do I know if I stopped reacting drastically to certain things only cause I grew up, and not because I don't care anymore?

Sigh...maybe my reaction time is proportional to my age. Maybe I will care in a few weeks...who knows. One thing I know for sure is that this blog makes absolutely no sense...yet I find myself clicking the post&publish button just to get all this out of my system....

2002-01-18T01:17:00.000-05:00

Wow man...4 feds within 14 days...I think I've had enough of that place for the term! So it's Thursday night...well Friday morning I guess...and I got myself to stay home instead of going to that place to make it a record-breaking 5 (as if 4 wasn't breaking it already..) Ever get one of those days where you wanna do all this work but for some reason, everything screws up and you end up doing zip? How convenient, eh? Well, I've been in a keener mood lately, but for some reason I haven't really gotten much done. I feel like I should stay up till my 8:30 class to do more and more work. Something is definitely a little screwy in this head of mine...

So it's finally the weekend, and I'm going HOME! I swear I've been here for ages, but it's only been 2 weeks. My brother just got back from HK, meaning new stuff for moi and new phone for moi...teehee. =P I have this massive urge to shop for some reason (umm...well reason would be that I'm a girl I would think...) but recently I calculated my expenses and realized that I should have a LOT more money than I actually have right now. I think I've been spending my OSAP as if it weren't a loan. I dunno...I seriously don't understand what's going on, and I really don't have the time to sit down and go through it all. Oh well...play hard think later right? =P

Anyways, just wanted to take a break from my keenerness to blog. Hope this drive continues into the term...*fingers crossed*...

2002-01-13T19:16:00.000-05:00

...*sniff sniff*...what's that smell? Is that a skunk? It''s the middle of January for goodness sake! It can't be...it can't be. I look out the window, hoping I wouldn't see a blob of black and white lying in the middle of Columbia St. My pulse is racing, anxious to find out if that stench would remain in my room for the next few days. I look out, and there I see, a chubby black and white creature waddling slowly but surely down my driveway and onto the street. Next anxiety...will it make it? Will it make it to the other side? Pleeeeease make it to the other side! It's almost there...almost...woohoo! It made it!! *cheers and applauses*....

Well, that was a highlight from my weekend...my first sighting of a LIVE skunk. Cute thing, I must say. If its smell couldn't kill, I might actually chase it down and hug it. =P

2002-01-10T17:21:00.000-05:00

Ever wish you could just crawl into some corner and never come out and hope no one in the world would find you? Well, I guess that's what I've been feeling the past few days. Some people really catch you at the worst time, and something just snaps inside you, and you seriously blow. But man, some of these people deserved to get it from me! Gosh, I thought the people from my high school were pretty bright, but when you have to ask them one very simple question (ie. what are you guys gonna be doing?) 3 times and the answers were: "Friday night", "A/B/C/D and I are coming", and finally, "oh...we don't know yet", you kinda start to wonder if they have something loose in the head. Haha...I felt like I was talking to that Mustafa guy from Austin Powers. I dunno...maybe I'm just being overly sensitive these few days, but I just feel like I've lost a lot of patience since school started. At times I feel like locking myself up in my room and just do my work so I don't have to deal. Sad, ain't it?

2002-01-05T00:34:00.000-05:00

It's a very bad sign when it's the 2nd day of classes of the term, and you already miss one because you "don't feel like getting up from a nap". I really hope it's not foreshadowing what's in store for me, cause if it is, then forget about my term's resolution to achieve my 1st year marks.

Last night I had a really long conversation with someone, and I must say I have never had one where both ends of the conversation danced around the main subject to such an extent. It was pretty funny though come to think of it. =) Maybe we felt that something's were better left unsaid, even though both parties kinda knew what was going on. But with it said finally, I really don't know if I'm glad or not. I guess a little bit of both. I'm glad that things are in the open now, but I'm afraid of the consequences from it. Too many special things have been ripped from me lately, and I really don't want to go through another. But for the sake of someone else, I might have to. Maybe it was better left unsaid after all, but even then, it'd be like letting a wound bleed endlessly just because one's afraid of the site of blood. It's things like this that makes life a little more interesting, eh?

2002-01-03T16:18:00.000-05:00

Well, talk about a nightmare come true..I'm back the Loo =/

It was off to a bad start, with the past tenants turning the heat completely off during the holidays, and my family moving into a house cold enough to freeze water (I mean that literally...that's how cold it was...), with the snow coming down calmly but heavily, the move wasn't as smooth as expected. Then when I came back again yesterday, all the technical stuff went wrong, but what do you expect. These things always happen. But it's all up and running again, and the only thing that needs attention right now in my room is my closet. It looks like someone's laundry basket! I have to say I like my new place a lot. I have a great view of Columbia St. W. and I see a lot of people walk by (not to mention a couple of cute guys just now...teehee..=P..) The strangers in my house turned out to be somewhat...how you say...fobby?? I think that's already an understatement. They must be freaked having 3 CBC gals in the house yakkin' away as if there's no tomorrow...haha.

Anyways, that's it for now. This blog will get a lot more attention starting today. =P

2001-12-21T14:14:00.000-05:00

Another ACCI couple broken. 12 down, 4 more to go. Well, hopefully not of course. Lately there's been a lot of issues with break ups in my life, and they've all been kinda similar, if not in the actual break up, but the overall reaction from it. I think the most difficult situation would be one where 2 people have been best friends for a long time and finally decide to give in to their need to be with each other as a couple. The sad thing is when they realize that they should have stayed as friends. That way, they'd still be talking instead of losing both a significant other and a best friend. But then I ask myself, what would I do if I were in that situation? To be in love with my best friend, but not wanting to ruin the special bond that we share. It's a big risk to take either way, cause you may lose your best friend in the long run, or lose your chance to be with your one and only. I guess you can always try to maintain that special friendship after the break up, but we all know that it's rare that everything can go back to normal. That's what my friends are trying right now. Can they do it? Well, only time will tell. But from what I hear, I think they have more potential of doing so than any other broken couples I've known. As for those who haven't spoken to one another since their break, I'm keeping my fingers crossed for you guys that one day, the talking would begin again, and the grudge will no longer be held. Cause I don't think anyone deserves to lose a best friend because they wanted to find their destiny.

2001-12-19T20:44:00.000-05:00

It's very different to look down my stairs and only see one rabbit and not two. Never did I actually think that the day would come. I've never lost anything so close to me before, and I have to say, it hurts like hell. It just happened so sudden, like she was trying to climb out of her box while I was driving, and 1/2 an hour later she was gone. A bunch of if-only's keep going through my head every other minute, but I guess there's nothing more to do now than to just get over it. I know some people find it silly to obsess over such a tiny creature, but she was a part of my life, and it's like a part of me has been ripped out. Sorry to those who have to deal with my moodiness these few days...I really don't mean to laugh one minute and cry the next.

2001-12-18T08:30:00.000-05:00

I just couldn't leave my house this morning. My baby has soaked her feet in the water and she doesn't even care. Sigh...so here I am, sitting at home at 8 something in the morning, wide awake, risking getting into big sh*t at work, but yet I'm glad I stayed. So...lets blog about something else.

I love Christmas music. I love Christmas itself. The shopping and traffic gets really crazy, but I'm happy it's the holiday seasons. I remember back in 1st year in V1, I kept complaining to Cyn how we never get to see Xmas lights cause we were stuck in those little buildings with our noses in the books. I wanted to leave so bad just to see the lights, to see the Xmas spirit. I kinda thought it was just a phase I was going through, being in Loo at all. But nothing has changed...I still have a goofy smile on my face when I see the lights and hear the music in the malls. That kid inside me's still there, and I'm glad. =) Life's not too great when you can't be happy with the simplest things in life.

2001-12-17T19:08:00.000-05:00

What do you do when you see something you spend 6 years of your life loving suffer and there's nothing you can do about it? I really don't know what to do. My eyes tear everytime I think about how she's suffering, and I really can't do much to help. I wish she didn't have to be in pain anymore, but I can't just give up. The idea of not having her in my life hurts like hell. But when do you decide that it's time to let her go? How can one make such a decision?? If such a tiny little creature makes me this way, I really wonder what would happen if I had a dog. At times like these I really wish I never had a pet, never had her to love. But better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all, right? Easier said than done that's for sure.

2001-12-13T22:35:00.000-05:00

I always tell myself one thing about people: never be too eager about something that they say they'll do, cause chances are they'll back out. Even up to the last minute, never ever be 100% sure that whatever's planned is gonna happen. It's weird how everytime I get hurt this way, I tell myself over and over again to never put so much faith into someone, but months down the road I'm right back in the same spot, feeling the same frustration as before. It must suck to live through life feeling this way. I mean, when you have absolutely no faith in the people close to you? That's pretty much like saying you don't have faith in yourself. But then, the times that things do work out the way it was meant to work out, then it's extra special. I guess if you look at it from that perspective, it ain't all that bad. It's like when someone doesn't treat you nice on a normal basis, but when they do, no matter how small the gesture is, it beats having someone treat you nice everyday.

Maybe I'm just saying that to make myself feel better, whatever. I just got tons of studying to do and totally in a crappy mood. Ranting helps...sorta..

2001-12-11T22:00:00.000-05:00

I realized how biased a person's mind can be. Say if one were to handle a situation in one way and the person has always believed in doing it that way. If any other suggestion, better or worse, was offered, the person would immediately reject it. It kinda goes for the people around you too. I know sometimes I criticize someone for doing something, but meanwhile one of my best friends is doing the same thing, and I'm totally okay with it. But what I recently noticed is that I now have more respect for someone's property even though that property was own by someone else before. Only then, I didn't really give a damn. I know I used to trample all over it as though it were my own, but now I hold back, knowing that I don't have the right to. Not that I had that right before though. The only difference I see here is that the new owner is someone I respect. Because I think the person deserves to own it. Because I think this is how it's supposed to be.

2001-12-04T22:58:00.000-05:00

If anyone still hides eggs in their closet in July so they can egg someone's house rotten on Hallowe'en, well, I have an easier way for ya. Just get a small amount of CH3CH2SH (ethanethiol) and just spray a tad on the lawn. It'll probably smell up the whole neighborhood better than a skunk. Just 1/2 a mL of that smelled up my whole lab today...peeyew! I had that smell lingering around me all day and I was surprised I still had my appetite when I got home. So that about says it for my wonderful day...it even smelled sh*tty. I mean, I always joke about blowing the lab up, but I never thought that I would actually be given the chance to panic about blowing up the place. Who knew that stuff was so reactive. As thick black fumes rose from my 100 mL flask, I seriously thought.."oh damn I really jinxed myself..." Well nothing blew up, but as I was trying clean all the crap out the flask slipped from my hands, flew across the fumehood and broke with a bang. Wasted all that time cleaning for nothing...sigh. And along with other things, my new supe basically thinks I'm a dweeb. Worse yet, he decides to give me my old supe's evaluation of me after my worst day at GD, and he probably thinks I totally don't deserve it. Sad thing is I agree with him. I seriously don't know how I'm gonna live up to that evaluation in the next 3 weeks. That supe of mine made me sound like an angel from heaven (no pun intended...)

2001-12-01T17:21:00.000-05:00

Ever have one of those feelings that something is missing in your life? It's like one day you sit down, feeling like you needed to do something, needed to talk to someone, but you just can't anymore? You want to talk to someone about something great that's happened, but the person you would normally turn to, you just don't feel right turning to anymore. You don't realize that it's affected you to some degree until one day it hits you. Lately I've been feeling this way about some special people in my life, and it's left some emptiness inside me. I miss talking to them, but yet if I was given the opportunity to, I wouldn't talk to them the same way anymore. It's like the bonds we once shared have been broken, and I just can't pinpoint what had happened. Maybe it's the fact that we're busy living our own lives, and that our paths just don't cross the same way anymore. I must say though...I miss them an awful lot. What we had were those little things in life that makes life that little bit more special. But Mr.S reminded me the other day, something kinda like "it's better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all": you shouldn't look at things that are no longer in your life as a loss, but look at it as something you've had the opportunity to experience, and be glad that you've had the chance to experience it. Be glad that you have the memories to cherish. Maybe one day you're given the chance to live it again, but in the meantime, just be happy about what you had. Life's too short to be sad about every little thing that you lose. And you might realize that there are new things in your life that are just as great. It won't replace it, but it may just be as special. I think that's what kept me from feeling down these few weeks. I may have loss, but I've gained too. =)

2001-11-28T19:30:00.000-05:00

The key to a successful road examination: wear a low-cut shirt (note: this key is faulty if the examiner that opens your car door is a woman. In this case, put jacket on quickly) So did I pass my G? No DUH! =P But I was so kidding about the shirt thing...none of you better take me seriously about that...

DE really sucks. Not only does it take up my valuable time, but it took up valuable space on my floor in my tiny little room and sucked blood outta me. The damn box for my tapes was sitting there on the floor looking up at me, waiting for me. Not to open it, but to step on the sharp lethal corner of it and put a painful cut on my foot! What a b*tch! Just you wait...the 15th of December will be the death of you...or me rather, now that I think about it. So there's this Xmas party coming up for GlycoD. But of course, it just so happens to land on the 14th, the night before my ever-dreaded exam. Being the good student that I am *barf* I decided not to go a LONG time ago cause I gotta study mang! Today the lady comes up to us and practically BEGS us to go cause "our parties are so much fun!" --Sheri. And to tempt us even more: free food and FREE ALCOHOL. Man...this sucks. If I just had the willpower to study way before, then of course there's no problem, but who on earth studies ahead of time?? =/

2001-11-26T18:40:00.000-05:00

Okay, I swear my brother's comp is female and mine is male. She's having major PMS today AGAIN and won't let my comp have any fun!! Hey, wait a sec...did I just diss my own sex? DOH! But then again, I could simply mean that women rule. There, that's more like it. =) So I finally got my comments to work (big thanx to Age who's making plenty use of it already...hehe). I realized though while I was trying to get it up and running is that I don't like to read instructions. I simply scan instructions. Took me 1/2 an hour to realize my problem. Really, how do I go through weeks and weeks without blowing up something in the lab? "place chemical A into flask and...yada yada yada...then add chemical C..." where "yada yada yada" = "make sure it's at 0c and". Apparently in a lab the temperature makes a big diff. Things tend to blow glass up when the temp ain't right (no, I'm not speaking from experience..just gimme a couple more weeks...haha)

2001-11-21T21:00:00.000-05:00

I can't believe how shakened up I was after I almost made roadkill out of this tiny little cat just now. Driving down Midland at 85 (I know, it's a 50 zone...my bad..) I realized that my big ass car doesn't brake too well when the time calls for it. That cat seriously just used up one of its lives cause I was only 2 feet from hitting it. My legs were shaking the whole way home. I dunno how I woulda reacted if I really did run it over. I'd probably be in tears...=/

Anyway, so that was a little more interesting than my trip to Licks hoping for a 21 cent dinner but ending up spending 20 times more on chinese food (20 times sound a lot, but it was only 4 bucks...wow, 21 cents...) I seriously thought the people waiting in line inside were trees. Though I don't remember Licks having so many trees, but I was trying to be optimistic. Of course I shoulda known better, being in Fobland and all. The trees inside turned out to be 95% chinese, many were these tiny little old ladies. Man, when it comes to great deals, those people really don't watch their cholesterol, do they? It's like, "Who cares if I die from the bloodclots? At least I got a good deal!"

My supe's leaving in 7 days. I guess it's in every person's nature, PhD or no PhD, to not give a damn about your job anymore when you know you'll be outta there soon. He spends 1/2 the day calling about his flight and stuff. I'm gonna miss working for him. I really don't wanna switch over to someone else for the last 3 weeks of work. It wouldn't be a good ending if it turns out to be a bad combo between me and the guy. Even if my evaluation's already done, I don't wanna leave with a bad image, right? Speaking of which...I still can't decide whether to go back next term or not. The question is driving me nuts. I gotta decide by next week before Gene leaves...hmmm...=/

2001-11-18T18:14:00.000-05:00

My mom's only been gone for 3 days and everything's totally off. But I love it. =) It feels so good that I don't have to worry about her being lonely at home for once or having her in the back of my mind that she's worried about me. I can just chill and seriously relax. Sometimes I wish my dad would just come back just so my mom wouldn't have to rely on my brother and I so much. It's not that I don't want her to, but at times it just drives me up the walls when I just want a little peace and quiet.

I hung with Yvonne Friday night for a little bit and it was soo funny. We've been living our own lives all this time and when we get together we find out little secrets about one another that we never really knew before. Like her little drinking habit and acting like a goof in front of strangers...haha. Silly silly girl. She really is like a sister to me cause even if we don't talk for a long time, I can still tell her all my secrets and be totally relaxed cause I know I can trust her. I guess that's what defines a true friend. Alvin was the first to experience my longest drive on the highway ever. Hahaha...little did he know his life was in a bit of danger, but hey, we're still alive and kickin'! He's quite a guy I must say. Too bad girls don't seem to see it in him cause he has such great potential to be a great boyfriend. He's such a gentleman! (asides from his constant teasing that is...what a bum...) Good guys really do finish last it seems, and it's kinda sad...

Few things I realized last night though when Beebs and I were driving around trying to find a good place to watch the meteor shower: 1.) I'm a really bad driver at 5am; 2.) I don't know how to use the lights on my car; and 3.) I'm afraid of the dark. =/

2001-11-14T19:07:00.000-05:00

You know you have a shopping problem when you won't leave a mall just because you didn't purchase anything and it feels wrong. If you can't find anything you like for yourself then you shop for someone else. I mean. how can you walk out of a mall empty-handed? (My name is Angel, and I'm a shopaholic...)

It seems as though I've been hit by a case of money shortage. Everything I've been using is currently breaking down, and I just don't have the $$ to replace them. Including the monitor I'm staring at right now, which in turn is making this awful noise back at me as if it's about to blow everytime I have a white screen up. Also my speakers play tricks on my ears, making me think that one ear gets clogged every 10 seconds or so and the clog moves to the other ear for another few seconds. And I'm not one to leave my room silent with me in the room without my beloved Winamp playing. Did I also mention I'm running out of harddrive space too? Sigh. We all know with December around the corner, and tuition being due in the same friggin' month as Xmas, there's no way I can dig up hundreds to replace everything. Not to mention the cheques I just wrote for rent next term. Bye bye pay cheques, as little as you may be. But of course, all these are luxury items I guess. It's not like my life depends on it or anything (although I might hold that thought considering I'm gonna be up in Loo soon and without my comp....*gasp*...I don't even wanna think about it...)

Just call me the geek...

2001-11-11T00:33:00.000-05:00

This weekend has been...I guess you could say...very productive. Well, not in the case of distance ed, but everything else went well. I caught up with all my fav shows I missed all week cause of my assignment, making me extra sleepy for my trip to Loo at 9am the next day. But hey, they were good shows! Too bad I didn't set my VCR long enough to tape all of Notting Hill...DOH! Thank goodness I've seen it before or I'd be kicking myself extra hard.

Cyn and I headed up to Loo with only 1 place that we had high hopes for. But before we went, the SLC board brought us to our new place for the winter on COLUMBIA BABY!! We're like right next to Timmy's! I can't believe we lucked out. And thank goodness too cause the place we thought would be great turned out to be a craphole. I really really like this place, and I hope it'll really work out even though us 3 gals will be living with 3 male strangers. The strangest thing was when we were complaining about our last landlord to the guy and it turned out this was the same landlord. Greeeeeaaaaaat. Gotta deal with the 2 few-fries-and-a-toy-short-of-a-happy-meal people (as Age would put it...hehe) for another 4 months. Oh well. I got to see Pegs and Phil for a bit before we headed home, and I realized Phil shoulda lived with us last term cause he turned that doghouse of ours from last term into a decent home. Amazing job guy...=) On the way home, we couldn't resist the urge to shop, so we dropped by Heartland Town. We spent like 45 minutes in Pier 1 sniffing too many different scents, coming out with identical sets of candle holders with the BEST smelling candles in the world! Then I picked up a very comfy pair of shoes for 10 bucks!! Man, I wish I got them at the beginning of the term so I didn't have my feet hurting everyday after work from my heels from 8 hours of standing.

When I got home my internet was for some reason working after 3 days. I seriously accidentally fixed it. My settings are all wrong cause I was playing around, but it works now. Damn I'm gifted. Those IT guys out there must be so jealous of me...hahaha. =P Anyways, I get to see Les tomorrow for the first time in AGES. Can't wait till next term when we'll be down the street from each other and SHE'LL be the one bugging me to go out...hehe. =) Plus, I get to raid her new stash of free clothes when I see her tomorrow...muahahahaha.

So everything's fine and dandy this weekend. Now as for my distance ed...hmmm....=/

2001-11-06T21:47:00.000-05:00

Woah. I've been absent from the whole blogging business for about a week and I come back to used-to-be-alive-but-now-dorment blogs and a suddenly alive one that still has June blogs on the first page (you know who you are...) This whole I'm-homeless-next-term situation's been keeping me pretty busy. On top of that, my 2nd assignment for DE is due tomorrow. Maybe that's why I find myself on this very page again after a good week. Must be some kinda ritual for me. I'm surprised I'm not downloading every CD known to man.

My first project at GD is finally reaching it's end. And I just wanna say.....THANK HEAVENS!!!! Not that I don't appreciate the opportunity to work with such a fascinating project, but come on! If they dare to give me another 400 compounds to inject something into, I'm gonna scream! Tomorrow's definitely a new beginning. I'm gonna start getting really hands on with what I came to do. Too bad my supe told me today that he'll be leaving for China by the end of the month and won't be back before I'm gone. Now I'm even more loss about the whole work report business. Maybe I'll write about safety in the work place like someone did and get an Excellent...yeah right.

I saw the sweetest thing on the RT today. There was this father with his daughter sitting across the aisle from me, and the love the father had for his kid was so evident it makes me smile everytime I picture it. It was weird cause right next to them was another parent-kid pair that shared nothing of that sort. I don't know whether the girl was extra lucky to have such a loving father, or if the boy was just unlucky to not have such love from his family. It's one of those glass is half full or half empty cases I guess.

2001-10-28T22:36:00.000-05:00

I saw my ex for the first time since I found out his little secret. It's probably been at least 7 months since I've seen or talk to him. On my birthday he sent me a card and it got me thinking about letting it go. Even Brian's overcome his hatred towards him. It must suck for him to wait years for me to hate the guy, and when I finally do, he doesn't care anymore. I guess I can't hate someone unless I'm given reasons to, and the reason I was confronted with kicked me into gear. But then if I really look at the situation, maybe I was too hard on him. I don't even know why I took it so hard, as if it was indirectly related to me. I always defended the guy back when Brian hated him, and I even stuck by him when he broke a good friend's heart. All the while he was lying to my face. That's what hurt the most. But one thing I learned long ago in life is to forgive and forget. I guess when you're in the opposite end of that lesson in life, it's a slightly different situation you find yourself in. Maybe if he had handled the situation a little differently it wouldn't be so bad. Everyone in this world would do anything to be with the one they're meant to be with, even if it means stepping on some toes.

2001-10-28T01:47:00.000-05:00

Another boy plunges to his death in HK at the age of 7. Why? Cause he failed a silly little vocab test. He leaves a note behind simply saying "I'm useless, I got a 0" and he's gone forever. The stress on kids in HK when it comes to schooling is just unbelievable. They put little 3 year olds through interviews with 3 headmasters just to get into a high class kindergarten where they'll learn things that Canadian kids learn in grade 3. Kindergarten here is nap time and play time and reading time. It's such a drastic difference between HK and Canada. I have to say though I'm overly thankful that my parents brought me here. Maybe because they knew both my brother and I couldn't have gotten very far with our schooling cause we weren't exactly the brightest kids. I remember they would split each grade up into A, B, C and so on classes. The smart kids were in A of course, and it just goes down. I only stayed there for grade one, and I was already in C. I just can't imagine which class I would've ended up in if I had stayed there. They would even rank the students in the class too, and I was #18 of a class of 30. Maybe I would've been one to jump off a building too. But then, my parents weren't too pushy with my grades. I mean, they were, but not to the point where they say to me "you're better off dead..." It's sad to know what some kids have to go through.

2001-10-26T18:40:00.000-04:00

My bunny has pneumonia. I dunno why but when I told my mom what was wrong with her she cracked up. I guess it does sound kinda funny. A bunny with pneumonia, and that she has an infection called Snuffles. What kinda infection is named after a dog?? Not that I know a dog named that, but I would think such a name belongs to a dog, not a disease. So my silly baby's in her separate cage from my other baby so she wouldn't pass on the germs, and she's been a total nosy bugger because of the new environment. I don't care what people say about bunnies being insignificant compared to a dog or a cat, I love my babies and they're worth the expensive trips to the vet. It's kinda hard not to cause they are living souls after all, and they've been in my life for almost 6 years now. You just kinda grow to love them no matter how small they are, and you don't want to lose them. That maternal instinct kinda kicks in, making sure that they're happy and feeling alright in the middle of the night, even if it means dragging your butt out of a warm cozy bed to do so. It's times like these I don't understand how anyone can be cruel to their children or animals. They must be missing that maternal hormone or something...(forgot what it was called...)

2001-10-19T16:21:00.000-04:00

Oh McKadee's fries...why for you walk out of my life? Life at work hasn't been the same since McDonald's left 480 University Ave. No more elevator rides down 9 floors on a sudden craving for the oil-filled goodness. I'm suffering from McKadee's withdrawal symptom I tell ya (I am SUCH a geek...) I guess it's safe to say that my work term eating habits have returned. Well, not that it really left during the school term with 1 trip to the plaza a day at least to prove it. Still, I'm getting kinda thick around the midsection. But who could blame the fat when all I do is sit around everyday munching on anything I can get my hands on (that's yummy of course =P~~) and having the only source of exercise being going up and down the stairs to get to the subway.

It's weird how I always end up being the coop student with the least to do. I hate sitting around trying to look busy all day when it's so obvious that I'm not. I even brought my distance ed. book with me to read for the entire week. You would think with nothing to do, I'd get a lot of reading done, but that is SO not the case. I really wonder where my time goes. My supe keeps telling me to relax. I can't relax...gimme work!! It's not that I'm a workaholic or anything (no duh) but I hate having the other scientists walk by my bench and see me sit there on my ass 1/2 the day. They probably think it's my fault that I got zip to do. The good thing about working here with my supe though is that he makes me feel smart...hehe. I dunno, for a PhD guy, I would think he's high up there when it comes to anything that requires thinking. But there's been many times since I've been here I keep correcting him and he keeps saying "yeah, you're right...that's very good..." And in the back of my mind I'm thinking "I'm not very good...that was just silly of you..."

So another weekend's here. Rich is currently tempting me to go to the casino, and it's working! Thanks a lot guy...I'm broke enough as it is!

2001-10-16T11:35:00.000-04:00

Just in the past week or so, many of my friends did little things here and there and they made me feel really special. They probably didn’t know how much their gestures meant to me, but it did a whole lot. Even if it was something as simple as a phone call or an email, the thought makes me smile everytime I think about it. I just wanted to say thank you guys, for making me happy, and for being in my life no matter how far we’ve drifted. Sometimes I forget that I really do have friends who love me a whole lot. It certainly makes this crazy world a little more pleasant.

2001-10-14T18:55:00.000-04:00

The day has finally arrived....I'm 21. *gasp* That just sounds totally crazy. No more calling Lesley old...sigh. It was so much fun! Hahaha...in 6 months, I'll have those days again. =P

So I had a really good weekend, seeing some of the ACCI faces again. It's cool that we can still get together for special days even though we don't really hang out anymore. And it's good that it's "safe" to mix the crowds together. Glad that everyone's kinda matured from the old "I don't like so-and-so" stage (well, almost everyone...) Too bad a lot of people couldn't make it because of midterms. I just realized on Friday that my 2 best friends love to make a deal outta my bday somehow. There's Les with her surprise parties and Cyn with her balloons on public transit. I never do anything for them though. Well, nothing big. Probably because I know they'll chop my head off if I did, but whatever. Next year, they're gonna get it!

Beebs took me out for a day DT and it was really cool. We did a lot of walking and I FINALLY went up CN Tower. Can you believe I've never been up there? I've only been in TO for like 15 years. Anyways, I had no idea how bad he was with heights. He freaked out when I wanted to take a pic on the bannister outside, even with the mesh and all. The fear in his eyes was so hilarious! There were 2 girls standing nearby and they cracked up so hard. Hahaha. On the way home I had to go to the bathroom SO bad cause my dinner was so spicy I drank too much water. We ended up stopping at the Delta Chelsea Hotel so I could go. Hehe. No fast food washroom, but a nice luxury hotel washroom with classical music. It was quite the bathroom trip. =P

So a great ending to a good year, and a relaxing beginning to the next. Can't wait to find out what's in store...

2001-10-11T19:11:00.000-04:00

You know, I've reached the point in blogging where I don't remember if I talked about a certain topic yet or not. Oh well...if I don't remember, no one will (unless there's some really obsessed fan of mine reading this *yeah right*, please don't tell me if I sound like a broken record...just humour me...)

Well, I finally got my 1st assignment for DE handed in...like 2 hrs before 12am. Hehe. =P My procrastination is just unbelievable. But I'm sure there're people out there that are much better at it than me. I certainly know a few...*wink*. But these past couple of days trying to finish it up made me very thankful that I chose UW over UT (haha...yeah rite, me...UT??). I can't imagine what my work ethics would be like if I lived at home. It'd be beyond control I tell ya. And then I started thinking what my life would be like right now if I did go to UT. I mean, I probably wouldn't be blogging right now for one. I wonder what I'd be doing and what people I would meet. There must have been some kind of powerful force that brought all of us Loo people to the "wonderful" town of Waterloo. Fate brought a bunch of strangers together and definitely made some beautiful friendships. It's like that movie, Fools Rush In, when Salma Hayek met Matthew Perry....

Isabel: "well, I think it was fate that brought me to this very spot, the same time it brought you to this spot..."
Alex: "and why would fate go through all the trouble to do that?"
Isabel: "so I wouldn't have to wait in line for the bathroom..."

OK, well fate didn't bring us to Loo to use the loo, but you get my drift. One decision in our lives can change the rest of it so dramatically, down to something as simple as meeting a friend, or finding blogger to rant and rave about life. It's kinda mindblowing...

2001-10-09T20:09:00.000-04:00

There's been a lot of talk about relationships lately. It's weird to hear all these different opinions on the subject and all the different feelings that people have. Like the idea of finding the one. How does a person know if they've found their match? Can anyone actually be sure? Some people go through life never finding their one true love. I dunno if they were looking too hard or was being overly picky. So if it's possible to never find that one person, isn't it possible that someone can find more than one person that they have the same feelings for? I mean, this world is just so massive, such an event must be possible, right? Would we consider these people who have found more than one person they want as luckier? I guess so, cause whoever they choose, they'll be happy. But it's the question of who they choose that's the key. For some cases, choosing the one that returns the feeling might be the only option. Why would one give up happiness in a mutual relationship over something they hope will happen? If one’s happy already, why would they want to seek for more?

I find recently that guys are just as insecure as girls when it comes to love. Some guys really don't know how special they are. They compare themselves to other guys and think that they're nobody compared to the stereotypical men that women go for (no offense if you're one of the stereotypical type...) They don't understand that just because no one's ever told them how special they are doesn’t mean that they aren’t. Maybe the girl who feels that way isn’t in the position to tell them so. There are so many fishes in this sea, there’s got to be one that will fall for the hook. Just let fate lead the way...

2001-10-08T22:38:00.000-04:00

So the long weekend's finally over. I don't even really remember it starting. Anything accomplished? Not really. Anything interesting done? Not really. I went into a police station for the first time though. Yea for me. I said I would do my DE today...and yesterday...but as expected, it's still where I left it last Wednesday. Something always distracted me, like sudden sleepiness, a phone call, or just a mad urge to get out of the house. Someone hand me a stapler and some crazy glue...

I was thinking about myself when I was younger. You know, like the thoughts I had about life back then. It's weird cause there was this one thought about me that always stuck in my head. A thought about how I would live my life. I thought it was something I would grow out of but I guess I really haven't. Learn from your mistakes they say? I wish I would. At times like these I really believe that people don't change for the better. They'll always be what they started out to be. It's funny cause I always believed people do change, and hoped others believed it in me too. Just recently I realized that I still have that immaturity inside me. I'm still the kid I used to be.

Man, I've been babbling like this a lot lately. I probably won't even understand what I was going through in a few weeks time when I read these again. Sorry to all those confused readers out there if anyone's reading. I'm just as lost as you are....

2001-10-07T00:29:00.000-04:00

Dreams may sometime be very difficult to interpret, like you're running in the middle of a wheat field trying to get to school for some reason. And then when you get to school it's not really school, it's just more and more wheat field. I don't know what all that wheat field was about, but that dream made absolutely no sense to me. Then there are those dreams that reflect on what's going on or what has happened in your life that when you're in the dream, it becomes so real cause everything is so true. You then get lost in the dream thinking it's really happening, and depending on what it is, you become extremely happy or crazy scared.

I guess that's what happened to me last night. Something in my life that had happened, happened in my dream. Only in my dream, it went further than what I could control in person. And then there was a big scare about getting caught for doing something bad. I was running back and forth freaking out, not knowing what to do. Then I woke up, relieved that it didn't really happen. It's not the first time I've had this dream, and it's probably the reason why I remember it so well. Normally I wake up and it's like "what was it I was freaking out about again?" And then I thought more about it, and realized that for a moment in my conscious state, I really thought I was back in the dream. I almost acted the whole thing out, thinking that it was supposed to happen. How crazy is that? When a person gets their subconscious and conscious worlds mixed up, you know they've got a nut loose somewhere.

Maybe my dreams were telling me something. They forshadowed a lot of events that have occurred lately, and they somehow led me to believe that things were supposed to happen a certain way. It's like I have something controlling my head, and it's creeping me out. I swear, it's probably not safe to have me walking around in this city. Who knows what my head's gonna tell me to do next.

2001-10-05T18:30:00.000-04:00

This world is giving me more and more reason not to trust it. I thought I was pretty silly before for being paranoid about people watching me or following me or whatever that's bad, but now I know I wasn't being silly after all. Someone broke into our house this morning no more than an hour after everyone left for work. They didn't make it off with too much since we have an alarm...just my mom's jewellery mainly. Only when I got home I found my watch missing too. That even upsetted me more. It's my favourite watch! =*( And the guy had to pick a raining day to walk all over my carpet. Stoopid punk.

I remember when my computer was hacked during 1st year I felt so violated. I would look at my screen with so much scrutiny it was kinda funny. It's like I was afraid to go near it or something. But this time, I've been violated in my own home. How am I supposed to feel safe from the world in a place that doesn't feel so safe anymore?

2001-10-04T18:23:00.000-04:00

"I'm a slaaaave...for you
I won't deny it, I'm not tryin' ta hide it
...like that..."

...screen switches over to Ed the Sock, Ed looks at camera and pauses...
Ed: "What a slut!!"

Haha...sorry, I just found that so hilarious. Not to be such a big Britney hater or anything. I love her songs (not the singing) and dancing but she's pretty much one of the worst role model wannabes known to man. I mean, Madonna had really sexy videos too, but at least she doesn't go around telling everyone how innocent and sweet she is when she's huffing and puffing in a corner with too many sweaty guys licking her.

2001-10-03T23:06:00.000-04:00

There's been this quiz thing going around testing how well people know you. What's totally bizarre is even though the scoreboard for my quiz is pretty devastating as expected (but for a certain Viper...tsk tsk...) for some reason every single person answered "Who's my favourite *Nsync?" correctly. Now, I really don't remember making THAT big a fuss about Lance, or did I? Enough for the people who don't know me well at all to know my obsession? Hehe...=P

Anyways, Cyn and I had a little 15 minute fun during lunch yesterday. We literally went around our intersection taking pics and acting like total goofballs. Hehe...all the people there thought we were totally nuts. Especially the security guard at our building when he gave me this very stern look after I took my "trapped in the revolving door" pic. That was so hilarious. I've never had so much fun at work before! You can check out the pics at the link on the side.

There's a lot more I wanna say, but I'm too beat right now. I had some time to think about stuff during my little 3 hr "study time" at Club York. I guess I'll hold those thoughts till tomorrow. Till then...

2001-10-01T20:03:00.000-04:00

I've been experiencing a lot of deja vu recently, and it's starting to give me the creeps. I mean, coincidences happen, but when you have >3 dreams that actually came true within a short period of time, then you start thinking that you're a freak. Not saying I'm a freak or anything, but it's certainly beginning to freak me out. And then there are those times where I'm just daydreaming on the bus and out of no where comes a flashback of memories of really experiencing whatever I may be thinking about. Most of the time though I can't pinpoint if it really happened or if it happened in a dream cause I'm getting old and I'm losing the amazing memory I used to be so proud of.

There's been a lot of downers in relationships for some of the people very close to me. I think that's been something that's brought me down a lot recently. Especially for the non-mutual break ups, sometimes I really don't know which side to take. I haven't taken sides, cause I like to think all of them have been great friends to me. Even if the break was mutual, I see how it still tears up a person. How does this whole relationship thing work anyway? It's like together the 2 can't stand each other, but when it's officially over, they miss each other like mad. Or when one breaks up with the other cause one knows it's for the best, why is it still so hard to deal for both sides? I would understand it's hard for the breakee cause maybe they won't see it as being for the better. But for the breaker, if it's really for the better, why would it be hard? Maybe I don't understand the breaker side of the story cause I've never been one before. I always saw it from the other end and think the other's so much happier once they got rid of me. Recently though I started seeing that being the breaker doesn't mean that they don't still love the other person. It's maybe because they do love that other person and did what they thought would be best for who they love. And of course, I guess everyone has to take time to adjust to any kind of change, good or bad. I dunno...it just hurts to see people so unhappy. If there was something I could do to help, I would. But all I can do is be here for them. Too bad it's not enough to take all the pain away.

My Best Friend's Wedding has always been one of my favourite movies. When Jules and Michael were dancing on the boat while he sang their song after she lost her chance to tell him she loved her...I dun know why I thought of that all of a sudden. That song and scene always brings tears to my eyes.

2001-09-30T17:55:00.000-04:00

This blog is pretty much a journal of my life. It’s a place where I can place my thoughts about anything I want and I can look back on them in the future. But sometimes there’s a lot I wanna say but I’m afraid to say it here cause I don’t know who might be reading it or if the person I’m talking about is reading it. This is all me alrite, but there’s so much more of me I want to put here. Not necessarily all things that I’m proud of. I guess those are the things that I’ve left out from my months of blogging. I guess that’s why some people keep a private journal. Having a journal on the www isn’t exactly private.

I woke up this morning really sad and disappointed with myself all of a sudden. I had some time to think a lot about me and the me that I’m so not happy with. Yeah, people say Angel’s so nice this and that, but sometimes I wonder to myself if I’ve really been playing nice. I've been so hypocritical about a lot of things and I feel so bad for looking down on others now. There's been a few incidences recently where I would be disagreeing with something that someone did but moments later realize that I have no right to disapprove of their actions. Cause a lot of them I've either done myself or has gone through my mind many times. Even if it's something small, I still feel bad for never looking down on myself for doing the same thing.

Maybe it's just my sensitive time of month this weekend or something. I was going over someone's thoughts just now and it made me sadder and sadder by the minute, and it made me think more and more about my life. This blog probably doesn't make sense to any readers out there, but I think I know myself what I'm getting at. It'll be an early bday resolution...become a better me.

2001-09-29T16:03:00.000-04:00

I think I'm going through an "I'm turning 21" crisis or something. I've been going around changing everything in my life, and as you can tell, I've even changed my blogger. It's so weird how when you're in your teens you look forward to all the greatness that comes along with being in the 20s, but when you're there, you're dreading leaving the teens. But of course, being old does come with all it's pleasures. I wouldn't really trade those in for skipping rope around my backyard every afternoon (I think I'm too lazy now anyway...)

Beebs and I were talking about one of my friends who's like the 1st to graduate from our class. She's just bumming around now jobless and just living life like she's still back in high school. It's like you look at her life and you know it's not getting anywhere, even with the degree. And her bf, I don't know man...that I don't even wanna go into. I wish there was something I could do to help her, but there's just some people you just can't do much to help. A lot of us in Loo may fear about coming out with a degree and not knowing where it may take us, but we know just from having coop, it'll take us somewhere, even if it's not as far as we want.

2001-09-24T14:10:00.000-04:00

I haven't been blogging much lately, have I? I woulda thought since I have more time now than those exam days I'd be here more often. Hehe...just goes to show how wisely I spend my time. =P This whole work routine has really drained the energy outta me though. I admit, I've come to this page many times the past 2 weeks but everytime I just got too tired and lazy to type anything. These days, I'm about to drop dead around 9pm. Sheesh...it's as if I'm 50 or something...*shudder*...

I've seen a lot weird things recently though, travelling with the whole working force and UT peeps all the time. There's been on duty cops who're travelling from one destination to another on the subway. Has TO's budget really reach all time low to the point where we can't even afford to give our officers cruisers? It's like "..robbery at destination X...need you there pronto..." and the officers immediately turn on their sirens attached to their uniforms and hop on the subway. I know there's probably a good explanation for them being there, but it's just funny thinking of it this way. =P And then I saw a 60-70ish chinese couple checking stuff out at that kinky store at PAC mall...*shivers*...I don't even wanna go down that road. No offense, people deserve to have fun at any age, but I prefer to pretend not to know about it.

2001-09-11T19:00:00.000-04:00

Life really takes you by surprise doesn't it? One day you're mourning over the death of a young star, the next you're mourning over the deaths of thousands of innocent people. It really brings tears to my eyes. I mean, to think that every single person you see every day has total control of thousands of lives, it's just mindblowing. It can be just one person being sick on the subway, making thousands late getting to work or getting home. Or it can be one bad decision made by one person causing a few casualties. And it can be a few people who had stupid beliefs and take their own lives along with thousands. What kinda sick world do we live in? I remember watching Armageddon thinking about how one rock could kill so many people when it hits the Chrysler building. I just cannot believe it's kinda come true.

2001-09-10T19:07:00.000-04:00

You can tell a lot by looking at someone's feet. Yes, it gets rather boring on the TTC everyday, and everyone who's normal enough would avoid eye contact at all costs and the eyes usually end up at the feet. There are some typical pictures I see everyday, and quite often, when I look at the face, I see exactly what I expected...

1.) The black shoes w/ wide leg jeans: typical teenage guy trying to look cool in a bus full of old people.
2.) The loafers w/ pants too short and white socks: a geeky looking Chinese or Indian guy with a tight looking dress shirt with a lunch bag and a black leather briefcase like thing.
3.) The tiny running shoes w/ stockings: a short stubby Chinese woman in the late mids who's reading something and is totally absorbed in the gossips in it.
4.) The 5 inch platforms in bright colours: FOB

...and then there are those where you think it's a woman but when you look up to see if you're right...*oops*...

2001-09-05T18:39:00.000-04:00

My feet ache!!!

After 2 full days of work my feet are crying out from standing all day. Argh...but I guess that's the price to pay when you're doing interesting stuff all day. It so beats sitting behind a desk trying not to fall asleep. And time really flies so much faster unlike last term when us gals were watching the clock every 5 minutes...hehe

Anyways, just a recap of what's going on at Glyco. My supe left for Germany before I got there for another job so I got stuffed to a China man who mumbles when he talks. His English is so hard to understand too! He's so nice though. =) I think he's even easier to understand than the supe that actually offered me the job. That guy sounds like he's talking in a totally different language. Things at work are pretty cool. Everyone's real cool and the lab is so wicked. Kinda intimidating though with all the crazy gadgets and equipment. I'm working with sizes down to the micros, and it's hard when my hand's always shaking! The stuff we're doing is a lot more interesting than last work term. Even though I'm in the Chem department, it's still drug related and it's like wow! The biochem lab is connected to ours, and it looks really cool too, but they seem to do very tedious and repetitive things. I heard that a lot from my supe last term, so maybe I should be glad I'm getting placed in chemistry jobs rather than biochemistry. As long as I'm in some kinda drug related company (not that I'm a druggie or anything!!) I think I'd be happy. (I know I'm all happy today but you shoulda seen me yesterday. I didn't get enough sleep and it was just horrid. I didn't wanna go to work at all. Not that I wanna go now instead of decaying on my couch, but at least I'm more energetic than yesterday. But trust me, there'll be blogs to come when I'll be complaining from the 1st word to the last...hehe =P)

2001-08-29T23:10:00.000-04:00

I think I'm getting old...

My family used to go to Wonderland every year, and we would all go on the rides together (well, at least on the ones that nobody freaks out by just looking at it...hehe...) Anyways, as the years passed, my parents stopped going on the rides saying that "they're getting old..." blah blah blah. I thought it was so silly cause what does age have to do with anything? Screaming your lungs out falling from high above the grounds is fun for all ages!

Well today, I think I got a taste of what they were feeling. Even though I'm not even 21 yet, I think I'm beginning to grow old. At least I think that's what caused the massive headaches after getting off the rides. I never felt sick or shaky or anything when I'm done rides. Today was totally different. I didn't feel well at all. Not that I was gonna throw up or anything, but my head hurt like hell. Or maybe I'm just getting weak, or I'm being a total sissy!! =P Whatever it is, it just kinda reminded me that I'm not as young as I used to be. Watching the kids act all silly while lining up made me miss the good old days of acting silly and carefree without worrying what others are thinking when I act all goofy around some boy I had a crush on (not that I did that when I was young..hehe..) Those days were really fun. How come I didn't realize it back then?

2001-08-25T00:34:00.000-04:00

Got back from Niagara with the guys yesterday. It was definitely weird chilling with them, but it was fun anyway. Did some shopping and hit the casino and won over 100 bucks! Just enough to pay off the meals we had there...hehe. Went to this classy restaurant some cab driver suggested and it was really nice there. Too bad I chose that night to not bring my camera =( But the entree I had was tres bien!

What's left to do for the next week? No idea...just Wonderland sometime next week to make up for last week. Tomorrow's Brian's office grand opening. I feel weird going but anything for my Beebs. There's always doubts in the back of my mind about his work, but it's my duty to stand by his side. Today was kinda cool cause we kinda did some errands as if we were married. Well, not that extreme, but like we were living together. We woke up from our early morning nap and went for lunch and ran tons of errands. It was so smooth unlike all those other times when something always goes wrong or something's not done. It's kinda like a preview to the future, and I kinda like the taste of it. =)

2001-08-16T00:14:00.000-04:00

Out with Pegs and Alvin last night as promised and it was real nice catching up on old times. The good old days of chatting endlessly in the library during our spare when we were supposed to be working...hehe. Those high school days rocked. The only times you find yourself in the library now is when you're cramming crazy for exams or midterms or whatever. But why am I bringing back those memories into my head?? It's my summer after all!!

But yesterday this subject came up very briefly about my younger dumb days. Man, I was a real b*tch now that I look back. Even though I was real young and didn't know what the heck I was doing, there's still no excuse for it. And to think a little bit of it still lies within me makes me angry with myself. Learn from your mistakes, right? Not look back and say "hey, I've done that before...ha ha..." I don't blame the guys for hating me. Maybe I shouldn't hate them so much cause it was my bad after all. Even though he was and is a complete jerk for putting me through hell for quite sometime. I just wish I could say sorry now even though it's too late...

2001-08-12T22:39:00.000-04:00

It's only been 2 days since I've been done and over with exams, but I swear, it's like I was never in school at all! What's a nucleophile?? Who cares! This long awaited holiday has finally arrived, and it's just SO good to do absolutely nothing (except TONS of unpacking...) I miss my good friend TV! And it was pretty wicked to start off these 3 weeks riding in a Boxter!! I'm not much of a car person, but being in a kickass car really has its perks! And since my bro's in Vancouver, I have the Celica to myself for a whole week!! =D

So what's up ahead...no idea, since nobody seems to want to take on the task of planning next week! I guess it'll be a last minute road trip for sure at this rate. I mean, since SOMEONE has been done exams for 1.5 week now and doesn't wanna plan, it'll just have to be that way then, huh?? =P Whatever's up ahead, it'll be a blast...anything's a blast compared to exams...

Happy birthday Keith...hope you're hanging in there...

2001-08-07T22:04:00.000-04:00

One of my good friend's dad passed away yesterday. My deepest deepest condolences to you and your family.

For some reason it kinda affected me indirectly. Probably because I've been fortunate enough to not have lost someone close to me, so even knowing someone who's experiencing the pain affects me deeply. It has a lot to do with my thoughts on sudden crises where you just have no preparation for the pain, and it just blows you totally off guard. It's always been one of those nagging thoughts that goes through my head and I feel so unsafe in this world full of surprises. The scariest part is that there's no way of preparing yourself for such things. It's so unfair. There's so much one wants to do in ones life but has no clue as to how much time one has left to do it. We may think we have a lot of time, but fate has its way of changing all that. I just wish there was some way of letting everyone in this world know what's going to happen. At least, what bad things are about to happen. Maybe the pain wouldn't be as mindblowing than not having known it was coming at all...

2001-07-30T21:32:00.000-04:00

One down...4 more to go...*sigh*...

The only good thing is that in less than 2 weeks, I'm free from all this stress for a good 5 months *grin*. I can't wait for my 3 week holiday! Even though I'm not too anxious to get to Glyco because 1. they hate me there already and 2. my job's based on my worst course, I'm just glad I'll be in a different stress environment soon. All this studying is boring!! I've even joined all the "craziness" at DC, but not crazy enough to line up with the rest of the crowd at 8:45 in the morning to get a table and staying till it closes at 3am. I'm not that insane (although I know there are those that are...) Can you believe it took me 10 minutes to find a table there yesterday? And only because I made a mad dash for one when I saw a girl leaving really far away. It's like the good old days of going yum cha where you wait by the table until the people are ready to leave. Insanity...

So many people to see during the 3 weeks. Already have plans to go to Wonderland to scream my lungs out and relieve all the stress, and hopefully head to NY with DD, Ice, and ??? Can't wait till Evie comes back so we can chat. I'm so worried about that girl. And Pegs will be back to so we can girltalk with Alvin again...hehe. Unfortunately, when you're having a good time, it will fly right by. Unlike these exam days, where the hours are just crawling by unless you still have 1/2 a course to learn and it's 12 hrs before the exam. Don't you just love the way time works with your mind?

2001-07-26T23:32:00.000-04:00

The top of this gigantic tree is what I always stare at when I'm in the bathroom. The first time I noticed it was back in the beginning of the term on a really sunny day, and the leaves were so full and green. Everytime I hit the bathroom, I would always stare at it cause it's just so beautiful, swaying in the wind, rich and green. Lately though, I've noticed the colour of the green fading away into browns. Maybe it's just my imagination, but the tree no longer look as lively as I used to see it. Is it the tree that's turning, or is it a sign that I'm not as optimistic as before? Or maybe it symbolizes me, how I was full and alive in the beginning of the term, and now I'm just a fading picture of what used to be pleasant. The tree's had too much sun and just wants to get out of it so it can be green and pretty again. I wish I could get out of this work and be happy and lively again.

2001-07-25T18:01:00.000-04:00

Do you ever realize how much trust you put into other people? Everyone around you has the ability to kill you, hurt you, or just simply screw you over. It's like there are laws against hurting or killing people I know, but who knows what kind of psychopath you could be walking in front of on your way home? Maybe the person was just totally stressed that day and had to relieve it somehow. Like those unfortunate people who got pushed over into the subway because they were the chosen ones to have their lives taken away. There are those who don't mind spending life in prison. They may be happier. In that case, they just need to use someone innocent to send them there. We are just their walking tickets to a better place.

OK, maybe that's a bit extreme, but we could simply talk about the people in our classes. I'm sure many of us have asked classmates for help with anything and everything, even something as simple as the date and time of an exam. The person can so easily screw you over by giving you the wrong info. Or maybe it's a simple homework problem you're having trouble with, and they teach you a way to do it that's completely wrong, but for the whole term you believe it's right. It's just so unbelievable how much trust we put our lives into other people. I guess no matter how much crime there is in our community, there is some kind of harmony when you look at the big picture.

2001-07-22T17:14:00.001-04:00

It's amazing how much more time a person has to do homework and study when they don't have a social life...=P Being the good girl that I am (haha...whatever) I stayed home Saturday night and just studied in front of the telly. I must say, it was relaxing. It was like, I'm studying, but I'm still enjoying my weekend, you know? Life ain't so bad when you're sitting at home and just chilling by yourself. It's one of those things you never realize you miss until you get a chance to experience it again.

I watched America's Sweethearts with Les on Friday. It was really good! John Cusack was the dumbfound cute the way he's always been, and Julia is as naturally beautiful as ever. I really had a blast with Les. We never actually went out for the whole works before even though we've known each other for so long. It was really cool!

Listening to Nsync's new album right now (I have my connections...*wink wink*...hehe...thx Simon!). Some of the songs are pretty good! Maybe I'll support them and actually buy my 1st CD...haha =P This sales girl asked me how old I was when I was shopping on Friday, and when I told her I was 20, the word "twenty" sounded strange coming out of my mouth. I'm friggin' old!! And here I am listening to bubble gum pop music and going gaga over a boy band. When I was younger I looked at 20 year olds and thought, "wow, they look and act so mature...". I feel like I'm nothing close to what I saw in those people. I certainly didn't see myself acting all girly over some boy band, that's for sure. I'm supposed to be married with kids within the next 8 years according to my plans. I seriously don't see that happening. School has a major impact on those plans though. It's like, by the time I graduate and be able to support myself with a steady job, I'll be what, 30?? Life is definitely not the way I expected...I don't know if it's a good thing that it's not. Kinda feels like I don't have enough time to do all that I want. I mean, I don't wanna jump right into making a family when I haven't even experienced life on my own with all the freedom in the world. But on the other hand, I don't want to start a family way beyond 30 cause I don't wanna be too old to play with my kids. Man, I wish we could do everything at once!

Anyways, I guess I shouldn't be all worried about that right now. Got too many exams to worry about at the moment. Just let fate lead the way, rite?

2001-07-22T17:14:00.000-04:00

It's amazing how much more time a person has to do homework and study when they don't have a social life...=P Being the good girl that I am (haha...whatever) I stayed home Saturday night and just studied in front of the telly. I must say, it was relaxing. It was like, I'm studying, but I'm still enjoying my weekend, you know? Life ain't so bad when you're sitting at home and just chilling by yourself. It's one of those things you never realize you miss until you get a chance to experience it again.

I watched America's Sweethearts with Les on Friday. It was really good! John Cusack was the dumbfound cute the way he's always been, and Julia is as naturally beautiful as ever. I really had a blast with Les. We never actually went out for the whole works before even though we've known each other for so long. It was really cool!

Listening to Nsync's new album right now (I have my connections...*wink wink*...hehe...thx Simon!). Some of the songs are pretty good! Maybe I'll support them and actually buy my 1st CD...haha =P This sales girl asked me how old I was when I was shopping on Friday, and when I told her I was 20, the word "twenty" sounded strange coming out of my mouth. I'm friggin' old!! And here I am listening to bubble gum pop music and going gaga over a boy band. When I was younger I looked at 20 year olds and thought, "wow, they look and act so mature...". I feel like I'm nothing close to what I saw in those people. I certainly didn't see myself acting all girly over some boy band, that's for sure. I'm supposed to be married with kids within the next 8 years according to my plans. I seriously don't see that happening. School has a major impact on those plans though. It's like, by the time I graduate and be able to support myself with a steady job, I'll be what, 30?? Life is definitely not the way I expected...I don't know if it's a good thing that it's not. Kinda feels like I don't have enough time to do all that I want. I mean, I don't wanna jump right into making a family when I haven't even experienced life on my own with all the freedom in the world. But on the other hand, I don't want to start a family way beyond 30 cause I don't wanna be too old to play with my kids. Man, I wish we could do everything at once!

Anyways, I guess I should be all worried about that right now. Got too many exams to worry about at the moment. Just let fate lead the way, rite?

2001-07-19T21:39:00.000-04:00

The weekend's almost here again. It's weird cause mine barely ended just yesterday cause Beebs left just a bit over 24 hours ago. Can't wait to go home tomorrow. Gonna spend some time with Les and my mom before exams hit hard. Too bad I won't see Beebs for 4 weeks...=(

I've been pretty disappointed with myself this term. Everyone in my program is working so hard cause they have my load plus an extra lab that takes up so much time. Me on the other hand complain about so much work to do, but really, I don't. At least not to their extent. To make it worse, this has been one really awful term for me academically. I know I could have done so much better in everything, but having the idea of "my heaviest term of my program" in my head gave me an excuse to slack or something. It made me think it was alrite to do bad this term. But in truth, I didn't really have too much on my plate these 4 months. It was all an excuse for doing bad. I know my capabilities are way beyond what I actually put into these months. I'm so disappointed...

Yeah, I guess I can try to make it up during finals, but I think the damage has been made so bad I don't think it's possible to fix it. I didn't even try for Dean's cause the thought of it being hard this term just made me not bother. I seriously think it was SO reachable now. But I wasted it, and I'm gonna regret it so bad when it comes time to submit my transcript with my job applications. Not getting into my org lab in the beginning was a sign. A sign that I can make up for last term. Boy, did I totally look over that...

2001-07-13T01:51:00.000-04:00

Tie a dog to a tree and it'll bark for hours...let it loose and it'll sleep by the tree...

I wish the human mind wasn't so complicated. When they're given a deadline and it's approaching quickly, forcing the person to work till it's done, the person doesn't wanna do it at all. But if the deadline isn't close, and doing work is more of a freewill thing, then the person actually doesn't mind staying up till early in the morning working. I guess that's my situation right now. It's almost 2 in the morning, and I'm wide awake, ready to take on my physics quiz. (It may also be due to the fact that I took a 2 hr nap earlier...but still...hehe) If I was this much of a keener when I had to study for all those midterms I ended up cramming and dreading for, then I probably would have much better grades than the ones I'm stuck with now. Oh well...what can you do...

I've been looking forward to this weekend for a LONG time. There's still a lot to do for next week, but I think I can actually take some time off to just sit back and relax. Les is coming tomorrow for Summerfest...haven't been out with her for the longest time! I can't wait! Then Beebs will be here Saturday and anytime with him is worth more than every penny I'll ever make. This weekend's gonna be great...I just hope everything will turn out the way I hope it will. =)

2001-07-10T11:07:00.000-04:00

I find I blog on Tuesdays quite often. Why is that?

So the term's coming to a close, with only 3 more weeks till finals. Even though between now and my 1st exam contains 1 more midterm, 3 lab exams, 1 lab report, and a handful of assignments, I can still say I'm glad it's almost over. From the day of preregistration back in November, I dreaded for this term. The thought of it being almost done is just overwhelming.

It hasn't really been such a bad term. Sure, there were a few (really) bad marks here and there, but marks aren't everything, right? We were pretty blessed with pretty comfy weather except for those few days of too-hot-to-live-in heat. And then there're my new roomies who turned out to be really cool chicks. I couldn't have asked for better strangers to live with for 4 months. My co-op situation is finally resolved, and I'll be working DT in September, right where I wanna be. There's gonna be 3 weeks at least at the end of the term for me to chill before starting at Glyco, and I am SO looking forward to that. I haven't sat in front of the TV just surfing the channels for as long as I remember. Even if I won't get a chance to go away, I think I'll still enjoy the time off. Hey, it's pretty much the last summer of my life!

So it's just these last few miles I must somehow finish. I have to say they're pretty long miles, but for what's waiting at the end, it's all worth it.

2001-07-08T01:34:00.000-04:00

I haven't felt so recharged in such a long time! =) Last weekend was pretty stressful with so many problems, but this weekend has definitely brought all my energy back. I think I'm actually anxious to get back to studying cause I have the energy to do so! Woohoo! I know I'll be cramming it, but still...I haven't felt this great in a while. =) I never believed it when people said when you're burnt out, you just need some time to chill and you'll be back on track again. It really works! Plus, I had a great time this weekend doing almost nothing with a special someone. =) I just wanted to share it with the world...Angel is back and alive n' kickin'!!! =D

2001-06-30T18:15:00.000-04:00

I hate coop. I hate it with a passion. Within 5 days it somehow ruined 3 of them. I'm in friggin' continuous. Can you believe it? Argh...I can't get the thought out of my head and it's ruinning my weekend. The company's trying to screw me over just because I gave them a bit of trouble...what da hell. "...we're not sure if we need a coop student anymore...we can get back to you on the 9th..." Frig! And I was jumping up and down on Sunday when I found out I've been matched properly. But here I am, miserable again cause of it. Only this time, I might end up with no job and heading back to UW for the Fall term with no place to live. This has been one screwed up week...

Anyways, here're some pics from PCP's 21st at Fiasco's. Hope it'll brighten up this blog a tad...

2001-06-28T21:31:00.000-04:00

I'm one in a million...I think I'm starting to see that. It's a good different, but it's a different that just doesn't make sense to anyone or even myself. I can't think of any reason why I'm the way I am...

Money...it's everyone's best friend. Especially if a person is given a large load of it for no reason. I'm for some unknown reason, ain't one of those people. How rare is that? I had a real long talk with B last night, and he just kept talking about money. I mean, I've heard it from enough people, especially guys, that girls love to be spoiled, and that we would all prefer a rich boyfriend over a poor or just an average one. The thought of a guy talking about how much money they'll be making soon turns us on. To me, it was more of a turn off. You know what I thought when he kept talking about it? I thought about how little time I'll have with him cause he's gonna be busy working. I'd rather sacrifice the image I'll have with a rich ass boyfriend in a nice car and fancy clothes to just be with him with no money at all. I wish he would understand that. I guess it's not something everyone hears everyday. He keeps saying that we'll be set for life, that I don't need to work so hard in school anymore cause he's found something he loves to do and can support us both. But I don't wanna not work hard in school. I hate the stress and misery from it, but I'm not one to just give up completely or switch into something a lot easier just cause I've found another source of income. I don't wanna be spoiled. I wanna make my own money and feel good about it. I may complain about the crappy pay I get from all this work, but it's only because I work too hard to earn so little. I don't wanna sit on my ass for the rest of my life and have someone else support me. I'm worth a lot more than that.

I guess right now I just don't understand myself. The whole conversation last night I was just miserable cause he's so happy cause he loves what he does. I was sitting there thinking that something in his life is more important than me now. It's that thought that's making me so unsupportive with everything that's been going on in his life. I wanna be happy for him. I AM happy for him, but the selfish side of me is saying "what about me?"

2001-06-27T18:36:00.000-04:00

You know what I figure? I complain about school so much not because I have nothing better to talk about, but it's because THERE'S SO MUCH to complain about. I'm SO close to swearing my brains out in this blog, but I'll restrain myself...

So I guess you can say I had a real rough day. Actually, today is a continuation of yesterday's horror. I won't even go into details cause I probably told a million people what happened already, but I'm just in the crappiest mood I've ever been in for the longest time. Yeah, I've been complaining and whining, but never was I close to tears these past 2 months. Maybe it was mixed with PMS or something. Just to sum things up, I got screwed over during my lab and tossed away 12 hours worth of work yesterday. Now I'm stuck with my failing marks because of incompetent me and incompetent TAs.

Then there was that whole job mess that continued into today. I waited at Needles for almost an hour and a half to see my advisor about the whole situation. I just can't believe I might be forced to take a position I didn't want. It's so not fair. They tricked me! What kinda of policy is that?? "If you work for our company you have to work for the supervisor that offered you not the one that ranked you..." So why the heck did I get ranked by the other guy in the first place? I could be working somewhere that pays me so much more and I wouldn't be in such a mess. My advisor was real nice about it though. She understood my being upset. I felt a bit better after waiting so long for her to get off her lunch break.

So here I am...I've been sitting in my room for almost 4 hours straight. Yes, me, sit still for that long...can you believe it? I've been sitting here trying to finish my lab report all this time non stop, and I'm not even closed to done. How is that possible? It's no wonder I'm in a crappier mood than before...if that's possible...

Fed day tomorrow...I need to go...I need to just forget about all this crap and chill. Alcohol will be my best friend...

2001-06-26T11:16:00.000-04:00

I can't believe I'm causing trouble for my company before I even get there =P Turns out they thought coop messed up with the whole ranking thing and I ended up working for Lothar by mistake. I felt so bad when I told them I actually took the chance and risked losing my offer with Suoding just so I would work for Lothar. Working in the same department's going to really be uncomfortable now! Oh well. At least I got what I wanted, but I just really hope they won't stick me back to Suoding again.

I finished my last midterm! WOOHOO! Well, not really. I still have an extra one for Org, but I'm technically done (this is supposed to make me feel better since I have 3 lab exams coming up, and I'm trying to cheer myself up...)

Can't wait till Friday! I feel like I've haven't been home in ages. Don't really have anything planned, but I don't care at all cause I REALLY need to just chill for a couple of days. It's been constant hell for too long and I need a break! I have tons to do for the week following, but right now I seriously don't give a damn. It's my time...MINE MINE MINE!! =P

Anyways, time to continue my extra hectic day...just 3 more Tuesdays to go...

~~Angel's Cloud 9~~

Angel's Cloud 9